fireflies

2003-06-25T15:31:00.000-04:00

2003-06-15T23:56:00.000-04:00

still alive,?@sorta?Cflunked?@oral?@bad?@more?@later
needing?@‚Œ‚?‚–‚…?@‚?‚Ž‚„?@‚—‚ˆ‚?‚”‚Ž‚?‚”
goddamn?@keyboard

2003-05-30T21:08:00.000-04:00

cigs: 1/day ....*sigh*
music: Colonia - Za tvoje snene oci; (aka small european techno style)
Bouga Akhenaton - Belsunce Breakdown
Glay - Survival

People have been spamming my comments again, so here i give you a long post, and you better leave comments, busters!
Oh and Mary-Jane, i looked at the blog and saw the new URL for the photos, und warum hast du die Seite runtergenommen? und mish und eli? lebt ihr noch? ich lebe noch! denke ich! doch oft fuehle ich mich mehr als eine Huelle denn als Mensch.

So this has several parts, and i put some anchors, so:
1.) very boring account of the last part of my finals
2.) very boring blabla about genius ppl
3.)account of life at the aunt's
4.)account of time spent with bunny last Saturday

1.)
It has been quite a while, since i reared my head. Not too surprising, given my semesterly final-burn out. It was gruesome, and, surprisingly enough, i was brave. I finished the German seminar paper by Friday noon, one page too few, and quality highly questionable, it was at least out of the way. I was bunking with the girls at the appartment, and they helped me pack up my room, store my cartons, and set up at the appartment (well everyone except for lea, who came over to show off her new laptop and gloat). I whined, I bitched and I had them kick me into work so much....but then, when i say i was brave i do not mean, i was in control. I needed to be kicked in the butt in order to finish my Anthropology seminar term paper, and even though i saw that ppl tired of my whining and lack of direction, they were still there when i had screaming moments. But the point is that i did not give in to the "i don't care", nor to the "go fuck yourself, prof.", i didn't procrastinate, but wrote and wrote and wrote. And it was awkward living with so many ppl in such a closed space, but all i did really was sit and type, and try to think, and - unfortunately - whine. I still don't feel any better about the paper, and am intimidated by L--- so much. grrrrr, fucker. Also, had a last-minute showdown with Martine, who proceeded to tell me yet again that i'm unprofessional, and then fed me an incredibly good sandwich. God, i know it's probably menopause, but God!
While all of this happened, henry was proofreading my crap-paper (or attempting to ^_~), and then Karen as well. Bunny came, we made errands, i retrieved my leather jacket from Dwight, where i had lost it, and we went off.

I believe my grey winter coat is ....somewhere.....def. not anywhere that i know of -_-

2.)
Can you tell, i'm trying too make these posts semi-coherent? ^_~, but do not fear, for i am sure my lingo is still lingo!
Just talked to Sp. on the phone for half an hour. Her brother is going to California for Grad School in Sept., the lucky bastard. She is highly jealous, and still directionless. Apparently everyone will leave campus on Monday. Tik, who has just graduated, is directionless after putting all her hope on that internship. She hopes to soon hear about her work permit application. Apparently her girlfriend, Maria, who's been in Malaysia with her family all year, got accepted by UHawaii, but didn't get quite enough money, so is now scrambling for ideas. Svet is going to Bulgaria for 10 days, and then moving on to Norway, where she will be doing her research. Jen on the other hand is flying directly to Vietnam, where she will be doing her newspapers cartoons research.
On the Jen front.....nevermind. But on other news, she has apparently only handed in her Anthro Seminar paper this last saturday. She did write 30 pages, but apparently she only managed to fill 30 pages with brilliant ideas, w/o actually producing a papers. Sp. saw Prof. L---- this Monday (grades were due), and apparently he mentioned the brilliance, but also lack of paper. I don't know what to say to this....this _is_ the girl who whined to me about her A- in Linear Algebra, and the possibility that her near-perfect GPA may drop by 0.02 points. I'm sure she'll do fine though.
Have i mentioned my absolute awe of these people who are going somewhere, independent of any program, to research on their own? Svet as well as Jen will surely be very successful in whatever they choose to do in the future, as will Bershka, the sophomore from my Anthro seminar. She is going with Prof. Schw---- (History dept.) to France to research this summer, and will be going to London next year ;). She was also a sophomore in my Anthro seminar, and her brilliance was amazing. As was Demaris' (the firstyear). *sigh* I wonder whether Roth will end up taking her around during his research in Brazil (she lives there). And i still feel an occasional anger at the idea (b/c it still is unfair), but am (thank god) mostly over it (and wouldn't it suck if i wasn't ^_~)
Not that any of this really matters, as life is definitely too short (and would be too unpleasant) if i spent my time contemplating the genius (or lack of) around me. A few minutes spared every now and then for awe, or exasperationg - *cough* jen*cough* - is all i can offer in tribute to these people.

3.)
I have been hanging out here at my aunt's, and it is...boring, and dull and ... yes. She is still a big sweetheart, who is too pre-occupied with her family. They will be going on a short cruise to the bahamas mid-june. It's a four-day cruise, but they are planning to spend a couple of days in Miami before and after. The kids are liveable, more acceptable. We never really talk much, but it seems we have gotten used to each other, so that whenever i tear myself away from the internet (Thank you Gods for being bunked in the family den with the router and cable connection), and do not feel like killing something we can talk about stupid inane things ^_~, such as the new car my cousin is getting b/c he had an accident and his old one is wrecked etc.
My aunt went on a retreat for a couple of days, she just called and sounded that much more refreshed. She did want me to come with, but apart from my unholy fear of christian ground, i decided i didn't feel up to par.
The weather has been v. much Massachussets-style, i.e. it has been changing every couple of minutes, ranging from beautiful sunshine to sintfloods. Also i have been sneaking a cig a day, and may have been observed by neighbours or not. Food is...ok i guess, though not too spectacular, as my aunt works all day long.
Highlights: internet, router, sleep, lazyness, about a boy, errk...stealing harvard (though brainless in superlative), big fat greek wedding, and decent early grey imported from britain ;)

4.)
Was hanging out with bunny last Saturday, which meant i woke up at 6 in the morning, left house at 7 with aunt and uncle and drove to the churchvineyard. *sigh* My relatives were in charge of providing breakfast for mass-goers on that day, so even though there were 2 morning masses, i had the pleasant excuse of "helping" at breakfast preparation. Which nonetheless was challenged: Father what'shisface who held the first mass, stopped by with his family to have breakfast, and started shouting at me (which i presume was his idea of sheperding his sheep, and pep-talking, though why he would do this w/ a complete stranger is far, far beyond me). Something along the lines of, "Oh, you're A's niece, you're from Holland right? what are you doing here? helping? HELPING?! she doesn't need your help!! she'll be fine!! go on go on! mass!!!"
-_-
As my uncle went to the sermon after the first mass, and would have had to interrupt it to give me a ride to bunny's, Father nocluewhat'shisname decided that wouldn't do. So...i was given a ride to bunny's house in the priest's little tiny prehistorical car. My aunt accompanied us. He was blasting a tape with a sermon. My aunt must have thought it good for me, as i had refused to go to church/take communion.
no fucking comment.

Anyways, went to bunny's. As she was still at the gym, i got to hang out with her parents, and talk and whatnot. She came after approximately 40 mins or so, and we headed out. First we stopped by an Apothecary, where i found 2 decks of tarot cards that might work for me (but as my budget was tight, no buying). Then the mall, and supercheap pants from Hot Topic, a jelly bellies gift tin for my host family, my first visit ever at Arby's (it was really yum!), and various supplies from CVS. The mall was full with families, and thus not too scary, but it did give both of us giant headaches. We went back to her place and watched Spaceballs (on DVD), Sister II (TV, english and spanish), and after that hiked over to bunny's sister's place and watched the Wedding Singer, which was a meh-ok movie all in all, but had some individual lines that i loved. B's sister is rather amazing: She works at a gym, is a marathon runner, photographer, and has an online shop for self-made bath and soap stuffs. These latter are so VERY indecently yummy, that i decided that would be the rest of my omiyage for the hostfamily. The specific scents are seasonal, so i tried to get something for each season.
I loved hanging out w/ Bunny, and we were talking so much, it was great. Though sometimes the talk did slither into yonder weird-funky-ness of life topics, and i realized it's great. As much as talking to Hen excavates those endless religion classes and discussions from gymnasium, talking to bunny reminds me of the (heretic/mystic) thoughts i used to have during that time. *sigh* whatever. it's all just life, ne?
Oh and we're supposed to go to six flags on Monday, about which i'm rather very excited, as i have never been, nor have i ever ridden on a rollercoaster ^____^ yatta

and on other news....flying off to tokyo on june 12th....more on the japan thing later...

Yours truly,
Lucifer

2003-05-05T17:32:00.000-04:00

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Extreme
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very High
Level 7 (Violent)	Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Very High

Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test

2003-04-20T21:00:00.000-04:00

ad this weekend:
it was quite all right, though i do have to practice my tea ceremony stuff, so i can do it withouth guidance tomorrow. the party was quite ok by bella standards ;), once ppl started having fun, and although we ended up splitting the dancefloor in two parts, that is also quite usual for bella ;). jennifer (the little hip-hop bunny) was very annoyed once the other group of girls came in, as they had not been wearing costume. i hope she enjoyed herself nonetheless. also Z kept buying the dj's beers, and i felt bad about that. they were pretty good tho, and dj's did a good enough job even with their faulty equipment. it was fun all in all. but i felt like getting tipsy and the two beers were fairly yummy (for one buck??) but not conducive to that. so i ended up having a screwdriver w/ plenty of vodka. however, i had forgotten about the lack of food i ate that day (i didn't eat at all except for a bit of the pasta M gave me, thanks so much btw ^_^), so ended up getting really tipsy. apparently i also had a funny convo w/ joby, half of which i don't remember ;)
today was yummy brunch, still thinking about dinner
(p.s. strangely enough i realized that i dance much differently at home than i do here. must be due to the difference in music methinks....)
(p.p.s. must post to do list later tonight)

Formula 1:
today was the first european track! in San Marino ;)
anyways, v. short review, it was great, i haven't watched formula 1 in 3 yrs, (i.e. whenever i'm here, as i'm too lazy to go to the dorm tv rooms), so thank you, angel who recorded the race today!
poor bastards: Fisichella (whose engine started smoking) & Montoya (dammit 7th! had to do 4 pit stops b/c the fueling was fucked up)
ppl i hate but won the damn thing: Michael Schumacher was first (dammit!), before Raikkonen (second _and_ in McLaren -- sooooo should've won). Barichello was third, and then Ralf Schumacher (*retch*), before Coulthard (meeewww - why?)

but it's all good, b/c raikkonen and coulthard are still leading the championship ;)

links:
Star Wars Galaxies ---- must buy, and though i suck at gaming i don't care! must have! on that note looking into SW irc's and sims

The Splash Bar ---- gay club in NY, v. pretty website, though not much info, though very amusing ;)
Barrich

2003-04-18T01:41:00.000-04:00

b/c i _know_ i will forget tomorrow

1)wake up early, work on AoJ (urgent you stupid ass!!!)
2)look at jap stuff before jap?
3)wake up kat?
4)jap
5)catch the archeology guy before lunch
6)go to lunch
7)lesson at 12:30 (go! get money for it! pay the woman!)
!!!8)AoJ (not even you can be that shit-headed, do it!!)
(get M to hurt you, if you don't!!!)
9)give 'im the goddamn papers
10)breathe
11)think about the goddamn shit you have to get done before weekend
12)don't! just don't! forget figuring out songs, oh and blackmail everyone you know into going

2003-04-17T00:39:00.000-04:00

you know you haven't eaten eneough/kept in good health, if it only takes you 2 hits off a bowl to get you stoned ^_^;;;; but i'm eating now ;)
it was just too much trouble to keep up w/ nourishment past few days
random streams of thought: dj's: moroe than one wanna do it, so if one backss out we won't be left hanging, took care of form and check
must look into music now
also what prizes for masquerade?

anthro: lass managed to chew me out and tell me i had a good topic at the same time --> thus managed to escape public humiliation presentation wise narrowly
also weird contest b/w jen and lass who can talk down who...was highly embarraased

incidentally, hate this keyboard
will hopefully get ass in gear for Arts oof japan and other shtuff tomorrow

now back to my ramen, first dinner in 2 days ;)

2003-04-16T16:44:00.000-04:00

not much sleep happened tonight, so i was lying there, experiencing - once again - shinji syndrome deluxe. so conteplating the dark ceiling, i realized that in a way my academics can be easily related to my hormonal level (just to be repetitive: 16 yr. old boy). it's a fine working thing really, and constant horniness and all that, but do 16 yr olds have any stamina? no, none whatsoever. similarly, i love anthro and asian and what i'm doing and the classes i'm taking, which are all really good for me (or would be if i did any work). But do i manage to keep up and on top of my things? or even do the work i'm supposed to and stop being the eternal procrastinator? hah! who me? nevah! and i know this year has been tough and whatnot, but even so, dude, even so

...lack of stamina i tell you!
i wonder whether i can train myself some more ;)

2003-04-15T23:15:00.000-04:00

Total Hentai

What Kind of a Hentai Yaoi Freak are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

so maybe i'm predictable. anyone astonished? i thought not....
and to the next one: no on all accounts ;)

Dummkopf! Vei shpiek ju not GERMAN? Ju mast komplei
and tschensch jur kurrent Lenkwetsch reit nau!

What language are you supposed to speak?
brought to you by Quizilla

you are "occult". just don't give a fuck.

What type of manga are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

....k?

You are the Almost Nude. Doesn't it feel great to
be the one that pays attention to details, and
loves the subtleties of everything from
affection to writing? Be careful though, not
everyone understands when you smile at birds or
laugh at a line in a song that no one else
really pays attention to.

Which Artistic Nude Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-04-15T15:50:00.000-04:00

What day are you?

.......
or something o.O

must.not.fail. goddamn.test.
mappo - decadent age of final law
satori - ineffable experience of one-ness
wabi - cultivated poverty
sabi - appreciation for objects weathered through time
koan - thought problem
zazen - meditation

i _know_ i know all of these...now to just use them to bs, and not forget about them
for good measure:
kamakura: 1185-1333
muromachi: 1334-1573
momoyama1573-1615

all we did is kamakura/muromachi, except the kanos (motonobu and eitoku), nagoya castle, and katsura imperial (i think....)

2003-04-15T11:28:00.000-04:00

mhmmm, the ka-senp made me laugh...always a goody ;)

Arts of Japan: make up today at 4pm, and now there are 4 ppl coming, so he can't skip it (take that, sucker!*(*&&^&*%^$$#!!!)

Arts of Japan proposal: hah! i wish! but i did go to the museum chick

Arts of Japan paper: well i think i know what i want to work on :)....

Masquerade: Alc: check; Dj: almost check; flyers/promo: tonight; note: send out emails!

Anthro: pardon me while i go and laugh....*hysterical g*

let's not even think about the other stuff yet ;p
otherwise, the weather is beautiful and that's good, but a bee/wasp type thing decided to nest in my hair, and i didn't realize until M decided to deflect the situation, at which point Belcon-san came to the rescue and smooshed the goddamn thing
traumatic, and oh god i want to wash my hair now ;)

2003-04-11T11:40:00.000-04:00

)*()&&^%##@ikujfiofkelj!!!

2003-04-11T09:12:00.000-04:00

having heartattack, b/c the test is here, and i'm here, but no one else is
o.O

2003-04-10T17:50:00.000-04:00

wow, every part of my body is achy....o.O
looking forward to a hot shower, but alas, i should grab some ice cream from the dining hall first (the only thing edible on the menu btw)
the kanji test didn't go bad at all, surprisingly, so that's good ;)
i'm down to AoJ exam tomorrow, and "Silencing the Past" -_-```

anyways, walking back from the gym, i saw a horse, and was reminded of my "riding" time, and horses 'n shtuff. i remembered that one of my promises to myself had been to lose my fear, and try riding again. so i would like to do that w/i in the next 5 yrs if possible at all. it isn't really that i am scared of horses or of riding them, so much than the fact that as soon as i sit on one, i get flashbacks, dizzyness and the like. mhmmm i think if i had my riding teacher from then in front of me, i would chew him out so muchly he would not be able to find and collect his little pieces ;)

so maybes, i'll run over to the dirty, and barricade myself there w/ book and laptop...dunno yet...
so for tonight:
meet barbara to figure out my tax issue (*arrgh*), do much much much AoJ, read damn book/write paper, get some sleep, ignore other assignments do in near future.....oh work some on n-sen's page -_-
get stabbed in the back ^_~

2003-04-08T01:13:00.000-04:00

mhmmm so exhausted
not that i didn't do anything; v. unproductive evening spent thinking not so nice thoughts about life, work, and other shit, then trip back from lib: clog-->wet socks, also ride van got stuck 4 times in snow = sux0rs

but now have had scalding shower, air-dried self, ate hot soup (powder kind from back home -- Asian sweet sour); so things much better.

quick recap of weekend: went to aunt's, got plenty of tea/coffee/cocoa materializing at elbow, even did some bonding w/ little cousin, ignored older little cousin, who still is weird highschool boy;
yummy chinese food
3 fortune cookies:

failure is the mother of success

friends long absent are coming back to you

age can never hope to win you while your heart is young (little cousin's cookie)
also aunt fried chicken for yours truly and whatnot, came in handy on sunday night where i skipped dinnah, also 2 bags of snacks and shtuff materialized before departure
not too bad, uncle quite ok, for a change
had discussion w/ aunt about gift giving and shame of copts; quite interesting

there is much snow-age, sux0rs

today, tea-ceremony lesson, v. patient y-sensei, was nice though am blundering graceless idiot; love tea ceremony 'nyways, and y-sensei was talking muchly and interesting
also asian dept. tea, whereas i had to to take pics, v. old, v. large, v. heavy digital camera....antiquity, maybe sell much 20 yrs from now ;) also n-sensei asked to photograph "only handsome male department members", then she said "so no one"; laughed much. v. awkward around roth, but 's k, he has book presentation tomorrow, must check what time

much work, but no wanna do
v. incoherent post, hehehe,
oh and svet came in to say hi, which is nice, cuz she randomly displayed affection, gave poor suffering girl some choc ;)

2003-04-04T12:01:00.000-05:00

mephinks: i wouldn't mind the parking lot...
Trekibilia: Unless you:re busy. ;-)
Trekibilia: I want a tree outside my window.
Trekibilia: I:ve had that my other two years. ;-)
mephinks: mhm
mephinks: hai
mephinks: well maren is for everything that does not look unto a parking loto
mephinks: so the left side, and the top side
Trekibilia: Yeah..
Trekibilia: I:m liking the 159, if it in fact does not have a window on the parking lot... but... ;-)
mephinks: well we'll be going next week to check out nice rooms
mephinks: so just lemme or anyone know whatcha want to look at
Trekibilia: Hmmm... 223 looks nice.
Trekibilia: Check if 211 has two windows?
Trekibilia: Er, wait.. not 223... 228.
mephinks: lol
mephinks: just keep on talking, and i'll save the convo, k?
Trekibilia: Kay.. ;-)
mephinks: how big is 150 sq. ft.?
Trekibilia: No idea. ;-)
mephinks: meh
mephinks: if this shit was in meters
Trekibilia: 228 is probably above the door, isn:t it? ;-)
Trekibilia: ;-)
mephinks: it would be so much easier
mephinks: mhm
mephinks: dunno
mephinks: why?
Trekibilia: Cause I don:t want the noise of the door and lock right outside my window. ;-)
mephinks: hai hai
Trekibilia: 15 extra feet is NOT that big a deal. ;-)
mephinks: mhm
mephinks: mk
mephinks: any other rooms you wanna have a look at?
Trekibilia: Not really. Those are the only two whose condition matters. Otherwise, and if they:re taken, I:ll go with either 208 or 209 as my third choices. ;-)
Trekibilia: 211 is ruled out if there:s no tree _and_ it looks onto the parking lot, 228 if it:s over the door. ;-)
mephinks: mk
mephinks: *goes to save convo*

and a bit later:

mephinks: you're not gonna tell me whether i'm a jerk really eh?
mephinks: *sigh*
mephinks: sure
Trekibilia: You are, but not excessively. ;-)
Trekibilia: You:re a very wimpy jerk. ;-)
mephinks: *snicker*
Trekibilia: But with very big amounts of fellow feeling. ;-)
Trekibilia: So night! Sleep well! ;-)

....mhm, not sure i agree, though i can certainly see how one can see that ;)

2003-04-02T20:40:00.000-05:00

adopted from M, but highly adapted to fit my filthy lingo ;)

ze rox0rs: i did not get bludgeoned in the anthro seminar today, also no hate-vibes from lass, which yea is a good thing, and i also didn't have to present my (non-existent) paper, tho i did have to watch jen do the slime up thing, and gimme the cold shoulder

ze 'kay shit: i taught gudmundson how to do tables w/ dreamweaver, which, yea boring, but he's a kewls guy, though not much w/ the computer literacy there, i also am still not out of the "don't wanna do this, fuckit" mood, which not so good for me at ze mom

ze sux0rs: umm i missed most of my classes yesterday and today, i have a shitload to do which won't get done (see last point under 'kay shit), and also y-sensei otoko told me that not so much with the scholarship, when i went in to ask him about when they're meeting....apparently chances for what i'm looking for are minimal, and apparently someone else applied to the same thing as well
mhm fuckers

ze overallness: i don't wanna do this, so fuck this (until i freak out that is...which should be in...oh an hour from now most likely)

2003-04-01T13:28:00.000-05:00

also blogger's being a bitch again

2003-04-01T11:14:00.000-05:00

so apparently the sleeping issues from my first year are back
but why the fuck i really don't know
first year they were sort of self-induced, and it was just the way i lived for a month or so, but these last 3 days i've slept a cumulative 7 hours and fuck it sux.
yesterday i was lying in bed staring at the goddamn darkness until 5 o' clock. i wasn't on the comp, i wasn't being escapist, i just had the freaky shinji-thing going, which, ok, i'm used to and well, yes, i sort of commiserate w/ the poor bugger
but geez!
and i'm so so close to the "i don't wanna do this, so screw this" mood, not sure wether i've crossed the line already or not, but i should probably at least do the anthro thing i was supposed to have done yesterday (stupid captain cook). and we'll see, i guess, we'll see wether i will do all the freaky shit i have to do for tomorrow and the day after and in fucking general
fuck this ;p

2003-03-31T00:06:00.000-05:00

well today's mood has been up and down but fairly level overall...which is a good thing ;)
while walking towards the thirsty mind for coffee and studying i realized that i don't mind living on this end of the campus. of course for next year i'd prefer to live on the green (will post my dorm wish list later), but it's cool
i've always gone for walks, and this year i'm just doing it even more. Even just walking to the library or the thirsty mind, i'm in that "walk mood", and i don't care about the weather or the cold.
mhmm, might be why my body feels different this year...my legs are sort of more toned.
of course that could be the gym influence as well ;)
which reminds me - and dear god, would you ever have thought that yours truly would say this?! - i like it. working out that is. it's like an achievement, and heck we all know i'm a big slacker. I don't mean that i'm getting horrible grades (though this year will be scary with all the anthro prof shit going on), but i mean, we all know; i'm the kind of person, who has precarious i-don't-want-to-do-this-therefore-screw-this moods....wish i had some sense of survival academics-wise ^_^;;;;;;

hoo-ha, watch this post go all over the place ;)
so yes, i like working out ... *waits for thunderbolt to strike*, and incidentally working out w/ M just rox! also i wouldn't have a routine if it wasn't for her (watch me lift weights 5 times or so on my own). and yes, the technical talks about different workouts ;)

i should probably post a to do list...but can't organize mind right now..REMINDER: check out CDC drop-in hours tomorrow, finish proposal, don't fall asleep before doing jap compo, finish up anthro, read for other anthro, WAKE UP KAT, study for AOJ!!!
i'm sure there's other shit, too -_-;;;

und mary-jane liebs, klar kannst du mich linken, bin noch am leben, obwohl viel zeug nervig ist/den Bach runtergeht, ;p will ne pause...

2003-03-26T21:16:00.000-05:00

mhmm, kams has the creepiest comment on her blog!
i'm full to the point of explosion...i just know something will happen and everything will come down on me; like when lass comes back from his little trip, and i have no idea what to write for him, and at the end of the semester he will tell me again how utterly useless my writing (and therefore my thinking -- b/c they are equal to him) is. or when roth decides to ignore me again...which i guess is normal for someone who probably thinks i'm a pseudo-anime-jap-fan
grrrr
and there is something i want to happen, several things, but hey, it's not like i will actually get them,

i should stop talking like that, i'll just end up jinxing something.
shpask made me laugh the other day when she was talking about the holy trinity laughing at our collective lives,
too true....

i think something's w/ the moon
watch me delete this post, but then i'm prolly too lazy
off for the library soon
i'm getting picked up ;)

2003-03-24T13:15:00.000-05:00

You speak like Dom! I will now label you goofy,
naughty, and pervy.

Which LotR male cast member do you sound like?
brought to you by Quizilla

mew not too bad that one ^_^

You
are a Day Dreamer..
Daydreamers tend to be away from the normal, and
have a deeper aspect
when looking at things.
Most of the time, thier outcasts of the
social
society, but don't worry. It just means your so
deep it
scares thier simple little brains.

What kind of Dreamer are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-03-17T19:11:00.000-05:00

blah blogger is being a pain in the ass

2003-03-17T19:06:00.000-05:00

mels says: "i'm scared out of my wits. baaaad." This after we watched our very first kenshin dub. omg omg omg. you cannot even imagine how they pronounce his last name: himorra... oh dear god, oh dear dear god, if i wasn't wheezing already, i would be now. lol. also steph says that now we will have to deal with the fandom completely changing, once the general american teenybopper-go-anime-freaks gets into this. she is so right, and i fear for our future ;p

more general update, v. sick, v. sneezy and coughy, but keeping self supplied with orange juice, tea, and various meds. also constant amusement derived from the pleasant company and half-deliriously watching tv. yesterday, i think we went through a marathon of dune (the mini-series) on sci-fi channel, followed up by the first ep of children of dune, but since i had tuned out by that point, i went downstairs, and mels and i ended up watching the third episode of the new season of queer as folk which was way way hilarious. it is rather super here, and we have the comfiest beds and kind of our own room. i really think we should at least get flowers from 1-800 flowers for the majeau parents once we get back to college, and also invite the younger majeaus to dinner...at the very least that is.

have not done much work at all, so must do that, but it's going goody, and whatnot. mels says they're negotiating for a fourth harry potter movie which will be broken up in 2 parts. anyone has any info on that?

2003-03-15T11:02:00.000-05:00

ook
-- kanji cards: check
-- handed in latam payroll: check
-- got new atm card: check
-- semi-cleaned up room: check
-- got fever: check

must remember:
-- finish up ze pics at least for gallery one
-- read, read, read
-- send off to SB and RFA (ask steph for printah?)
-- work on F
-- before go away: email for W-2 and for updated gudmund
-- send off jeevis on way out (either hike or drive wilder)

grrr
i know i'm forgetting something
oh yea and for validation (and i was actually honest):

You're Aya Fujimiya!

The slightly dysfunctional Weiss Kreuz Quiz
brought to you by Quizilla

Aya

The (slightly more) In-Depth Weiss Kreuz Character Selector
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-03-13T11:10:00.000-05:00

aaaaaaah, saiyuki!
sanzou!
mwa
so much tension b/w the boyz ^______^

i didn't really think that was me, but meh:

Which Saiyuki boy are you?

Take the Saiyuki Quiz at anime-doll.com

2003-03-12T21:16:00.000-05:00

what little i have so far:

ƒEƒB�[ƒ“‚É‚Í•‘“¥‰ï‚ÌŽž•ª‚Í‘å�Ø‚È“`“�‚ÅŠ¦’†‚Ìƒtƒ@ƒVƒ“ƒO‚ÆŒ¾‚¤Žž•ª‚É�A”N––‚©‚çŽOŒŽ‚Ü‚Å�A‚ ‚é�B‚±‚ÌŽž•ª‚ÉŽO•S�ã‚é‚É•‘“¥‰ï‚ª‚ ‚é�A‚½‚Æ‚¦‚Î�A‚±‚¤‚Ä‚¢•‘“¥‰ï�i”N––‚¨‚¤‚«‚ã‚¤‚É‚ ‚é�j‚©ƒ}ƒWƒVƒƒƒ“•‘“¥‚©‚¢�iŽOŒŽˆê“ú�j�B•‘“¥‰ï‚Å‚ÍƒEƒB�[ƒ“ƒiƒ�ƒ‹ƒc‚ð—x‚©‚ñ‚µ‚ã‚¤‚Å�AƒˆƒZƒtƒ‰ƒ“ƒi‚Í‚±‚Ì—x‚è‚ðƒ‰ƒ“ƒdƒ‰‚ÆŒ¾‚¤“`“�“I‚È‰Ì‚©‚ç‚Í‚Á‚Ä‚ñ‚µ‚é‚ÆŒ¾‚í‚ê‚Ä‚¢‚é�B–ˆ�T––’¬‚ÌŒö‰€‚Å‚Ð‚¢‚½Œã‚Åƒ�ƒ‹ƒc‚Íˆê”Ô‚·‚«‚É‚È‚Á‚½‚Æ�M‚¶‚ç‚ê‚Ä‚¢‚é�B‚»‚ê‚Å�AƒXƒeƒ‰ƒEƒbƒX‚Ì‚²‰Æ‘°‚Íƒ�ƒ‹ƒc‚É—L–¼‚É‚È‚ç‚¹‚½�B
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2003-03-06T18:54:00.000-05:00

dear god

since this _is_ my blog, i will allow myself a little rant..skip it for the sake of your sanity, and if you can't stand me whining
[spoiler space]

i do not like being cornered, at all. may i say i am the worst coverletter/statement writer there exists on earth? as if this isn't bad enough for the applications (all 2 of them that will end up being sent out) i have to write, i also cannot obtain a transcript. for my last bill is unpaid. in addition one of the applications has a fee of $200. therefore, i had to hike over to int'l affairs today, and get an emergency loan.
this sux
this really fucking sux
i have not written one of the 2 lit reviews i should have sent in by yesterday midnight, and sources seem spare. i should be writing applications. and i will have to wake up tomorrow extra early to get my emergency loan check and cash it, go back and pay it towards the bills. wait another day or so for transcript. if i'm lucky, get more transcripts...do not overlook deadline (all of them on the 10th) so that means i have to get a move on and write cover letters and more, and personal statements and more, and spend more money sending them off.
i should earn money, and n-sensei's webpage has been sorely neglected.
find me time i tell you, where is time? it feels like i'm spread out rather thin at the moment.
also i cannot seem to write very well at the moment, maybe that's because i just tramped out into the cold to go work tea ceremony, but then arrived to realize she had cancelled it w/o telling me or emailing me
sux0rs
fucking sux0rs
on top of everything i just saw krisi, the graduated bulgarian, who comes back so often for job fairs, and she told me about her 5 mill. rejections. she is brilliant and a hard worker and filene's rejected her, grrrr
i so am not looking for jobs after graduation

it cannot be that hard, can it? i mean i will hopefully manage to get on top of my things....i just need to finish up and send off and write and write more, and send off, and read, and read, and write.

rant end
sorry if you actually ended up reading this
i adore you anyways, even if i feel rather numb at the moment
off to look for sources on holyoke....

2003-02-09T15:05:00.000-05:00

1]First Name:generic whatnot

[2]Middle Name: depends on who you ask: george or marc (also louise) i prefer former

[3]Last Name:=great grandfather

[4]Nick Name[s]: kyou, san^2, luc

[5]Gender: Female

[6]Age: 20

[7]Birthday: november

[8]Height: 155 cm

[9]Weight: no clue - somwhere b/w 40 and 50 kilos?

[10]Hair Color: pseudo brownred

[11]Eye Color: gray-greenish

[12]Ethnicity: semitic -_-;;;....i guess...if ethnicity=dna

[13]Glasses: nope, but prolly soon

[14]Contacts: nah

[15]Braces: yeas, but i gave up

[16]Hair Short Or Long: umm dunno

[17]You Were Born Where: cairo

[18]You Now Live: somewhere in europe ;), throw a dart

[19]Astrology Sign: sag!

[20]Chinese Zodiac Sign: dog and whatnot

[21]Nationality: austrian ;)

[22]Bad Habits: "slacker bitch, faghag whore"...you can interpret fag as cig here ;), also too smartassy in that i wanna share things a lot (not a good thing in anthropologist -_-;;;;)....shitloads more
[23]Piercings: earrings if that qualifies
[24]If Yes Where & How Many: looky up
[25]Tattoos: nope...not for lack of wanting tho
[26]If Yes How Many & Where, If No Want Any: yesh, looky up
[Family]
[27]Mothers Name: madelein
[28]Fathers Name: rafik
[29]Brothers Name[s]: *snort* if only
[30]Sisters Name[s]: natalie
[31]Favorite Aunt: plenty sweet ones
[32]Favorite Uncle: plenty sweet ones
[33]Favorite Grandparent: only one set left
[34]Worst Relative: res nullius
[35]Best Relative: res nullius (if that translates as "none of your business"...)
[36]Best Family Memory: summers, beaches, heat
[37]Do You Get Along With Your Parents:.......
[38]Do Your Parents Understand You: ............
[39]Does Anyone In Your Family Understand You: what like...they think they do or they actually do?
[Pets]
[40]Do You Have Any Pets: nope
[41]Name[s]: dead one: fuzzi (foot-sy)
[42]Type Of Animal[s]: guinea pig
[43]If You Dont Have A Pet Do You Want One: *yearn*
[44]Have You Ever Had Any Other Pets Then Mentioned Up Above: nope
[School]
[45]Are You Still In School: ya
[46]Did You Drop Out: sometimes i wish i had ^_^;;;;
[47]Current/Supposive Grade: *shrug* it's never predictable
[48]Favorite Grade: umm....upperclass gymnasium i guess?
[49]Worst Grade:5th to 7th..i guess...i mean highschool was funk-ay
[50]Favorite Teacher: *pulls out worship list*
[51]Worst Teacher: *snort* plenty
[52]Favorite Subject: my majors
[53]Worst Subject: like...i'm doing not well in? my majors
[55]School Sports: *cracks up laughing* hell no! 5 million yrs of PE are quit enough, i do not _enjoy_ competitive shit
[56]School Activities: anime yo, uhh...tea ceremony lessons as of lately? procrastination
[57]Popular Or What: *snort* what dork writes stuff like that?
[58]Favorite Dance: ??? like classic ballroom dance? chachacha i guess? some samba, some waltz? i dunno, normal dancing i guess is my favorite
[59]Favorite Memory: a plethora
[60]Worst Memory: plenty o'
[61]Worst Dance: viennese waltz?shees i dunno, 's pretty, but no can do nice
[62]Most Humiliating Moment: ......
[Favorites]
[63]Number: 18, 21...i guess? 7
[64]Clothing Brand: american...umm express i guess? european....well zara and mango cuz they're affordable
[65]Shoes: boots....sometimes sandals in summer...but boots
[66]Saying: great minds think alike, MWAHAHAHAHA
[67]TV Show: ummm dharma? the early seasons?some of will&grace, shpikeage...
[68]Sport: to watch? soccer, skiing, track, ice dancing, rhytmic gymnastics...etc. etc.
[69]Vegetable: cucumbers
[70]Fruit: grannie smiths
[71]Movie: right now...electric dragon 800000V *smirks*
[72]Magazine: uh...uh...i read national geographic in airplanes?
[74]Actress: plenty o'
[75]Candy: chocolate
[76]Gum: double mint
[77]Scent: ck one, l'eau par kenzo
[78]Candy Bar: mhm twix, snickers
[79]Ice Cream Flavor: choc & coffee, sometimes vanilla, sometimes strawberry/lemon
[80]Color: black & blue
[81]Season: all of them...
[82]Holiday: christmas
[83]Band: x japan, glay, placebo...etc. etc.
[84]Singer: the one and only gackto! ....mhm and maybe brian molko in his earlier stages....and always david bowie
[85]Group: looky up
[86]Type Of Music: rocky i guess, some electronic, bit o' techno..
[87]Fast Song: sleepless beauty (itsumo! ore no uma desu!)
[88]Slow Song: right now? mylene farmer's "california"
[89]Thing In Your Room: zooey (book and comp)
[90]Place To Be: like fun place or popular place? schikaneder i guess, 's that half bar half cinema thing
[91]Radio Station: according to austrian youth culture "fm4"...i don't care too much tho
[92]TV Channel: ......
[93]Junk Food: mrow
[94]Overall Food: japanese, mexican, mediterranean....
[95]Store: my friend's goth store! you can hang out, smoke cigs, and talk for hours ^_^
[96]Shoe Brand: ??? you dork
[97]Fast Food Place: umm dunno? KFC *snicker*
[98]Restaurant: sechmo (sp?), maybe benny
[99]Shape: ? umm ankh?
[100]Time Of Day: night
[101]Country: nihon, ireland...
[102]State: umm dunno? NY i guess, DC? is that a state?
[103]Boys Name: george, sebastian, arthur *starts cracking up*...mhm didn't think about it
[104]Girls Name: ray? madelein? see above
[105]Mall: uh, no!
[106]Video Game: mhm...i wish....alas....i like watching FF, but man i suc
[107]Shampoo: tresemme or l'oreal
[108]Board Game: chess...mhm maybe trivial pursuit too
[109]Computer Game: see above
[110]Car: triumph! well alfas are nice too...
[111]Music Video: mhm...vanilla live? all of gackt's live concert?
[112]Swear Word: jesus fucking christ ^_~ oh and "verdammte scheisse"
[113]Word: onna
[114]Month: august, november, december
[115]Cartoon: anime yo
[116]Song Of All Time: *snicker* you dork...."sleepless beauty" i guess
[117]Scary Movie: uh, no
[118]Team: juventus turin? mhm...i like the scots too...and the nihon national team got much better
[119]Possesion: zooey
[.Whats The First Thing That Comes 2 Mind When You Hear....]
[120]Eminem: repressed
[122]Hot: summer
[123]Britney Spears: die
[124]Nsync: see britney spears
[125]Real World: god, reality shows *cracks up laughing*
[126]Orange: winter
[127]Choice: duh
[128]Fuck: mhmmmmm
[129]Bisexual: yea
[130]Black: goth
[131]ICQ: slow and viral
[132]Insane Clown Posse: ???
[133]Linkin Park: smoke inducing
[134]Jack: lemmon
[135]Rainbow: gbqlt?
[136]Cherry: tree
[137]Cucumber: tzatziki
[138]Shark: jaws
[139]Lifehouse: aren't they dead already? famewise i mean?
[140]Bat: man
[141]Leather: hot
[142]Whip: must be good quality
[143]America: funkay to hang out in
[144]Water: ocean
[145]Volcano: umm pretty, hawaii, pretty, fujisan, pretty
[.This Or That.]:
[146]rock or rap: Rock
[147]pop or rap: neither...ok pop mabbay
[148]rap or r&b: only spanish/french rap..maybe some german
[149]rock or metal: both
[150]rock or pop: rock
[151]linkin park or limp bizkit: linkin Park
[152]tool or korn: mhm...both
[153]selena or jenifer lopez: who's selena? nevermind, neither
[154]hot or cold: hot
[155]winter or summer: summer
[156]spring or fall: both...right now, spring
[157]shakira or britney: *snort* you're kidding me...you freak
[158]ICP or Eminem: who's icp? ...
[159]Marilyn Manson Or Rob Zombie: manson
[160]Kittie or Garbage: garbage
[161]mtv or vh1: mtv
[162]Buffy or Angel: buffy(the show)...angel in earlier seasons (the person)
[163]Dawsons Creek Or Gilmore Girls: dawson's creek for the nostalgia factor
[164]Football or Basketball: soccer
[165]summer olympics or winter olympics: both (winter, b/c of the austrian team, summer cuz of everything)
[166]skiing or snowboarding: depends on what music you're listening to, skiing tho right now
[167]rollerblading or skateboarding: mhm skateboarding..if i could do it
[168]black or white: black
[169]orange or red: red
[170]yellow or green: green
[171]purple or pink: neither...if i have to pick: purple
[172]slipknot or mudvayne: meh?
[173]hot topic or pac sun: hot topic i guess?
[174]inside or outside: depends on weather
[175]weed or alcohol: both (with restraint no da)
[176]cell phone or pager: cell
[177]pen or pencil: pen
[178]powerpuff girls or charlies angels: charlie's angels
[179]scooby doo or dino: *snort*
[180]dragon ball Z or pokemon: ...you freak...
[181]star wars or star trek: Star Wars
[182]tattoo or piercing: tatoo
[183]prep or punk: punk
[184]slut or whore: is there a difference in outlook on life?

[.Private Life I.E Sex, Drugs, Rock & Roll...]
[185]Boyfriend Or Girlfriend: neither at the mom
[186]Crush: ... not really
[187]Do You Love Anyone Right Now: nope
[188]Have You Ever Been In Love: yep
[189]How Many People Have You Kissed: 2
[190]Who Was Your First Kiss: none of your business
[191]Ever Have Oral Sex: no
[192]Still A Virgin: *snort* yeah
[193]If Not How Many Times: dork
[194]How Many Hearts Have You Broken: she's over it...
[195]How Many People Broke Your Heart: several
[196]Best Quote To Sum Up Love: lol...too many kinds of loves...read ginsburg, neruda, or catullus ^_~
[197]So What's Your Girlfriend/Boyfriend/Crush Like: ?
[198]Whats Your Dream Guy/Girl Like: *falsetto*he should be my knight on a horse *cracks up laughing*
[199]Do U Go More By Looks Or Personality: personality...and looks...and personality...
[201]Ever Kiss A Friend: duh
[202]Are You Still Friends: duh
[203]So Moving Along... You Smoke: yea
[204]How About Some Weed... You Smoke Weed: yea
[205]Ever Trip On Acid: nope
[206]How About A Little xTc: oh sure, i'm such a techno freak *snicker*
[207]Crack, Heroin, Anything Else: nope (tho andrea has been talking a lot about shrooms...)
[208]Beer Good Or Beer Bad: 'pends on the beer, corona, wieselburger, guinness, european heineken
[210]Are U The Little Sissy Who Drinks Mikes And Whine Coolers: nah
[211]Do U Like Smirnoff Ice: sometimes
[212]Prefer Beer Or Liquor: 'pends on the mood
[213]So If You Smoke How Long U Been Killin Yourself Now: 3 1/2 yrs? mabbay?
[214]What Kind Do You Smoke: red gauloises, or kamel red lights
[215]Could I Bum One: ya
[216]Back To Alcohol, Favoite Alcoholic Beverage: bailey's...and beer ;)
[217]So If You Werent A Virgin... Whens The Last Time U Got Some:....
[218]Bungee Jump: nah
[219]Sky Dive: yea
[220]Swim With Dolphins: kewls
[221]Scuba Dive: mhm kewls
[222]Go Rock Climbing: sure
[224]Eat Shit For 1,000,000 $: hell no!
[225]Change Your Religion: *shrugs* not that it matters...and i couldn't, even if i wanted
[226]Turn Your Back On Your Friends For Personal Gain: sheesh no.
[227]Steal A Friends Boyfriend/Girlfriend:...wtf? no!
[228]Cross-Dress: sure
[229]Lie To The Police: *shrug* mabbay
[230]Run From The Police: don't think so
[231]Speed Away From The Police: same
[232]Lie To Your Parents: if the alternative is getting killed (which it often is)
[233]Walk Up To A Total Stranger And Kiss Them: not even if i'm trashed
[234]Be A Exotic Dancer: *level gaze*
[235]Walk Out Of A Restraunt Without Paying: ...hopefully not...could happen tho...mhm...nah

[Your Friends]
[257]Best Friend: ? what up with the kindergarten questions? my close friends are my "best" friends
[258]Known Longest: michelle...and dominik, tho he is more of a funky once a year installment in my life
[259]Wish You Talked To More Then You Do: mhm...lots of ppl i guess...
[261]How Many Friends Do U Think You Have: *shrug* some
[262]How Many Do U Actualy Hang Out With: lol...same amount of "some"
[263]Who Drives You Insane After Awhile: *snicker*
[265]Ever Lose A Good Friend Because You Took It To The Next Level: no
[266]Craziest: umm....jen i guess? (well not necessary craziest...more like "most ex(travagant/hibiotionist) adventures...mhm...n/c on that question)
[268]Shyest: mhm...depends...everyone's kinda shy
[269]Best Hair: the Ka-senp...even tho she's not very clean about iit
[270]Can Always Make You Laugh: thomas?
[271]Best Eyes: lotsa ppl...intelligent eyes...
[272]Best Body: mhm...maren, elisabeth..mhm.. the guys...umm they're all kinda scrawny, but 's cool, ne
[273]Most Athletic: umm...?
[274]Sex Symbol: kams! she da fluffah!
[275]Hot Tempered: n/c
[276]Most Impatient: mhm...'pends on the situation, ne? (yea, i knows i enjoy being non-committal)...svet i guess
[277]Shortest: umm...amy ^_^
[278]Tallest: maren to karen? oh wait, gerhard!
[279]Talented: all of 'em
[280]Best Singing Voice: kams is really good with slow ballads ;)
[281]Skinniest: n/c
[282]Nicest: shpask
[283]Best Personality: pas moi
[284]Biggest Drug User: *shrug*
[285]Alcoholic: pas moi ^_~
[Have You Ever]
[286]flashed someone: ..kinda
[287]told the person you liked how u felt: no
[288]been to michigan: no
[289]gotten really REALLY wasted: unfortunately
[290]gone to jail/juvi: no
[291]skateboarded: failed
[292]skinny dipped: .....
[293]stolen anything from a store: nope
[294]wanted to kick my ass for making this so damn long SO LONG: yeah
[296]pegged someone in the head with a snowball and they never knew it was you: lol, no...where's the fun if there's no snowball fight?
[298]gotten into a bar under aged: yea, not here tho
[299]kissed someone of the same sex: yes
[300]flipped someone off: lmao...
[301]gone on a road trip: mhm...do VA, and Maryland count?
[302]gone on vacation without adult supervision: yeah
[303]been to a concert: yeah
[304]been to another country: indeed
[305]talked back to an adult: lol...indeed
[306]got pulled over: don't drive
[307]into a car accident: lookee up
[308]broke a law: n/c
[309]given money to some homeless person: yes
[311]cried to get out of trouble: mhm, yes, and i'm not proud of it
[312]kissed a friends brother/sister: no
[313]dropped something on the floor that u were cooking for dinner and still put it on the plate: five second rule, i thought it was
[Opinions]
[314]What Do You Think About Boy Bands: if they're j-rock, sure, also super old and called "beatles"
[315]What Do You Think About Flag Burning: good way of expression yo
[316]What Do You Think Of The War On Terrorists: bush is a stupid dork
[317]What Do You Think About Suicide: freedom of choice
[318]What Do You Think About People Who Try To Force Their Opinions Upon You: *snort* they are people who _try_
[319]What Do You Think About Abortion: with plenty of thought, choice of the parent who will care for the kid....
[320]What Do You Think About Rock/Metal Music: rock on!
[321]Where Do You Think You'll Be In 10 Years: flipping burgers at macd's? no clue...no clue at all...
[322]Who Do You Think You'll Still Be Friends With In 5 Years: with the ppl that are my friends...aka minna-san
[323]What Do You Think About The Pop Music Scene: *snort*
[324]What Do You Think About The Store Abercrombie & Fitch: mhm...ok basics & simply cut essentials i guess
[325]What Do You Think About Porn: funny!
[326]What Do Think About The Death Penalty: No.
[What Did You Do]
[339]Last Birthday: got taken out for japanese...DC by night, yay!
[341]Last Weekend: mhm...anime night, good kei-senp convo, small party, only sober one
[342]Christmas: back home ^_^
[343]Thanksgiving: in VA w/ lizzie..see b-day!
[344]New Years Eve: partay...random party at random appartment, but fun enough ^_^
[345]Halloween: trick-or-treat ^_~
[346]Easter: nothin'
[347]Valentines Day: lol..uh, no...prolly porn night...maybe an anti-v-day indie gig
[Quotes]
[355]Favorite Movie Quote: "it's a mild wind, and it cheers me up"
[356]Best Quote For Love: re-pe-ti-tious
[357]Best Quote For Friendship: lol...you don't wanna know
[358]Best Quote For Life: "dive for your dreams, or a slogan may topple you."
[359]Funny Quote: "we are not having an aufgefickt ex-discussion tonight, ok?"
[360]Favorite TV Quote: mhm, dunno
[361]Best Quote For Moving: make me.
[362]Your Favorite Quote From A Song: "utsuru toki wo osorenaide"
[The Last Thing]
[363]You Ate: yikes...you don't want to know...dining hall food
[364]You Drank: Pink lemonade with water
[365]You Took A Shower: today in ze morning
[366]You Wore Out: jeans, knit shirt, fleece sweater, blue boots
[367]The Last Place You Went: noho, the hay market
[368]Last Thing You Bought: pre-ordered book
[369]Last Thing You Got Pierced/Tattooed: ears
[370]Last Person You Saw: jen (who is slumming in my room)
[371]Last Person You Kissed: n/c
[372]Last Person You Fucked: what in my dreams? oh, shuddup
[373]Last Person You Talked To: jen, who's mumbling in the background *rolls eyes*
[374]Last Party You Went To: china night
[376]Last Song You Heard: mhm...something by metallica
[377]So What Are You Eating: nothin'
[378]Anything To Drink With That: nope
[379]Whatchya Wearin: same i was wearing last
[380]Any Shoes: clogs
[381]Hair: a bird's nest
[382]Listening To Anything: not right now
[383]Talking To Anyone: M and Hen...online
[384]Are You Pissed I Made This So Long: yes
[Yes Or No]
[385]Are You A Vegitarian: no
[386]Do You Like Cows: only the purple milka chocolate cow
[387]Am I A Bitch For Making This Damn Survey: *snicker*
[388]Are You Artisitc: uh...i wish i were
[389]Are You A Fast Runner: ages ago...sprintwise
[390]Can You Ski: uh...mhm...a bitty i guess?
[391]Are You British: no
[392]Do You Want To Spear Britney: hah! pass the stake!
[393]Do The Voices Talk To You And You Only: ^_~
[394]Did You Ever Give Barbie A Free Haircut & Hairdye Special: hell, no!
[396]Do You Think Diseney Creators Were On Acid When They Made Alice In Wonderland: have you read it???
[397]Will The Real Slim Shady Please Shut Up: mhm...lol, dun care enough
[398]Are You Straight: ...not really
[399]Are You 1/2 Stupid, 1/4 insane and another 1/4 physicaly handicapped: mhm..stupid, insane, and not physically fit
[400]Are You Fat: no
[401]Are You Skinny and just say your fat: no
[402]Are You Short: yes
[403]Do You Own A Hot Pink Shirt: no
[404]How About Orange Pants: nope
[405]Can You See The Flying Monkeys: .....ask leah...she can tell you all about monkeys
[406]Are You Evil: ore wa lushiferu!
[407]Did You Ever Knew Someone Who Had A Mullet: what's a mullet?
[408]Know Anyone Who Still Has One: see above
[409]Is Britney A whore: prolly
[410]Are You A Teenage Zombie: *snort* no...am i a burnt-out carcass? yes *smirk*
[411]Am I Annoying You Realy Bad With All This Nonsense: yes
[412]Do You Like Marilyn Manson: i like some of his lyrics...the music tho, not really
[413]If You Dont Like Manson You Know You Suck Right: god you stupid teenie bopper
[414]Are You Secretly From Another Planet: what do you think? *g*
[415]Did You Ever Touch Someone Elses No-No Spot: ?
[416]Do You Shop At Hot Topic: i'm broke
[417]Could You Kick My Ass: hell yes!

[Random Questions]
[458]If You Could Be Any Animal, What Animal Would You Be: panther
[459]Why Would You Be THAT Animal: b/c i'm a stupid narcisstic person at heart? ;)
[469]If You Had To Eat One Thing For The Rest Of Your Life What Would it Be: ...i'd starve after getting grossed out
[481]Do You Remeber Any Of Your Dreams: very rarely
[482]Do You Dream In Color Or Black And White: color
[484]Do You Admit When You Need Help With A Problem: depends on the problem
[485]Can People Read You Like A Book: depends on the people? not if i don't let them though...mhm, depends on the people, anyways
[488]What's Your Biggest Fear: none of your business
[501]Do You Talk A lot: yes...
[502]Are You Afraid Of Clowns: no
[503]Do You Like Spiders: i don't hate them
[503]How About Grape Kool-Aid Do You Like: never tried it
[506]Can You Drive: no
[510]Are You A Spoiled Rotton Only Child: i wish
[512]Are You Anti-Social: either way
[514]How About Dumb People: not so much
[521]Now What Are You Going To Go Do: go do my papers

2003-02-02T21:30:00.000-05:00

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2003-02-01T23:52:00.000-05:00

in other words, farewell; I have been banned from the realm of San-consciousness; I am cruelly censored, struck down with a single word. The genesis of my thoughts has passed; I am no more.

Only remember that I have always loved you.

2003-02-01T23:33:00.000-05:00

I am a crack smoking one legged whore.

--M on S

*g*

S&M forever!

2003-01-22T10:54:00.000-05:00

i really love it here, and i don't want to leave sometimes, but of course i also want to go back
what i wish would happen this goddamn new year:
*can i please, finally, godfucking dammit, develop some work discipline?
*can for chrissakes, finally, godfucking dammit, that work discipline lead to some success with developing some brains?

*and jesus fucking christ...can i get a break? not to say that this isn't vacation, but i'm living with my parents, i keep seeing my grandparents, and i don't know how long they'll be living, and they're very old for Egyptian standards, and i have to walk a tightrope and balance b/w ppl
so basically nothing much changes, ne?
so here's my solution: i either grab mish or M...or maybe both... (since i can rely that both of them are entertaining but also like being alone), and we all go either to a goddamn mountain hut (wether in the Adirondacks, the Alps, or the goddamn Andes, i do not give a damn), or we go to some deserted beach and live in a pension, and i can hike or lie in the sun for a long long time, and listen to j-rock on my imaginary MD-net-player

;P
god i love my dreams
but cheers, until the next entry, and courage young fellas, we can do that goddamn internship whatnot, ne?
and you can do work, M buddy, only a little bit more, and hey! scotland...if i can get some money together, i'm thinking ireland with mish/whoever else btw

2003-01-20T12:38:00.000-05:00

Which Harry Potter Marauder Are You?

lol, i swear, i did not cheat...must be fate, guys ^^

2003-01-20T12:37:00.000-05:00

about ready to shoot myself internship wise...god, i presume i could just wait to send the shit off once i get back....since i don't have any recs anyways, and it would take equally long to send them off from here or the states.
fuck
right
how about some positive words? something like that i still have time, that i will find a job/jobs, that summer won't be as bad as last? that i still have time?

so yesterday was yet another semi-religious family gathering, aka excuse to stuff one's face with meat. god it must be the wintery season, i don't remember so many family gatherings...anyways this time it was the baptisation of Jesus, or something....well whatever, this time it was the whole family, and only partly innards...the bread rice, the funky green soup with the vegetable that has potato texture but tastes like shit, and that there is no german word for, b/c it is so egyptian...some viennese schnitzel, some fried chicken overcooked, bla...spinach strudel that was actually yummy
and after that drinking turkish coffee in tiny cups with my uncle, and then chewing sugar cane
quite fun ^^
it reminded me of .... those summers of fantasy years ago (6 yrs ago to be precise), and of sun, beach, sand, and dangerous wild sherif, and being called 'sandrella' (mish's bro called me that a few days ago, that's how i remembered it), and he had the same eyes that i did, sherif that is; also i was the tiny 11 yr old tag along ;P *snickers*

i should probably dub this the winter of forgotten memories, b/c i swear i have never remembered soooo much, things that should have been long-forgotten, and most funkily small inconsequential things...those events in my life that did not leave any horrible, or bad, or wonderful impressions, but *shrug* whatever

things i gained this vacation:
*plenty of clothing, when my mom took me shopping (also plenty of nervous breakdowns, b/c i want to kill her)
*memories...many many memories
*lazyness...just slumping around the house, and watching tv --> this also gained me a knowledge of bbc prime's daily program
*a standing knowledge of highlander slash fiction ^^
*a hundred bucks that my grandfather gave me so i can give them to kams so she can get me a md-net-recorder
*many funky good moments

things i regret (not doing):
* i didn't dance...at all..not once
* i developed a phobia. a really bad one...i'll have to work on it piece on piece...it's really fucked up
* i should have seen goth ppl more than once...i broke my promise to call them often
* i should have called old 30 yr old comp guy, i should have gone out with him...

2003-01-17T15:34:00.000-05:00

oh yeah, back to normal alright...sleeping on the couch ocasionally, which is uncomfortable as hell, but i don't care since it means my grandparents are sleeping over. they are after all really too old to keep tramping across the city from their apartment every day just to make food for us, to then only tramp back to their apartment in the evening.
also my internship deal is going horrible. instead of sitting down and writing the damn cover letters i keep worrying about things like recs and transcripts and mail, and then distract myself with tv and fanfics. slash of course ;P
coptic x-mas was quite the interesting deal, since it is the end of 4 weeks of fasting (essentially vegan food, but fish is allowed), one of the main ingredients for the feast meals is meat, meat, and once again meat. and b/c the family likes innards....woa heart, lungs, kidneys and liver left and right. which i don't eat, but there is also the traditional dish of pieces of bread in rice, with funky sauce that i cannot identify but i believe to have garlic.
tastes....funky to say the least...on and they had regular lamb shoulder as well
it was annoying tho, i lost a 2 whole days to that.
oh and the weekend before that i went to visit my goth friends, who now have a house together
and there were also lovely video nights with velvet goldmine, first mute with the soundtrack in the background and then with the sound
i think we all love that movie far too much...it's kind of like 'steam' to me, though without the cheering-up factor.

also went to see 'bend it like beckham' with mish...god i drooled all over myself...jonathan rhys-meyer is so so so divine
gawd

then also went to see 'uzumaki' with maria, and elisabeth, sans mish, and surprisingly with gerhard...it was in this funky cinema, that is half trendy smokey rundown bar, half one screening room, and gerhard and i shared a beer from the bar, and smoked cigs in the room
but that movie! god god god
i peed in my pants when maria painted a spiral on my back afterwards...

also: went to cemetery again with mish (day before yesterday), and then worked on her comp, and then went together to concordia where we ate and talked and reminiscized....and i remembered soooo much of years ago, things that i had not remembered in forever....like the sex talks, and the five million crushes, and alley mcbeal-esque hallucinations of jumping someone's bones, and the hurts, and the joys, and the different strange person that i used to be, the five million persons residing in my schizophrenic little mind....and things like...kissing certain ppl hello and goodbye, and hating ppl, and loving them..well it was quite the trip....

2003-01-07T16:02:00.000-05:00

so tired, and more tired, thus slightly gruffy, specifically on relatives-overload...god, neeeeeeed my little 18th ct. sanatorium cell back...at least i was alone and w/o headaches
anyways:

New Year's: Party at friend of friend's (and from my viewpoint, that latter friend is more like a friend's friend as well ;p *g*)
saw thomas and gerhard there...drank ate smoked talked danced...also saw dominik...which is significant..very significant in fact: had been slightly sad for couple of days that i do not possess any (confessed) gay friends, and thus no flaming friends...watching dominik argue aka lovingly listening to his own voice i realized: even if none of my friends are gay, dominik is so flaming it's cute HeHeHe ^_^

mish and i left after 2ish, cuz we were bored, plus she had sobered up, and i hadn't been tipsy to start with :p
in search of coffee, we decided the mood called for a walk, and so went through part of the first district (city center)
BAD mistake...i kept waiting for one of those snail-paced cars that were distributing crackers and fireworks right near the crowds to throw a molotov cocktail ("michelle..." "hmm?" "are you waiting for a molotov cocktail as well?" "yup.." "shit")
FURTHER explanation: there's this viennese thing called the silvester path (silvester for new year's eve which is st. silvester day), and i had been toying for a couple of years with the idea of going there
bad idea. nope. not gonna do it...it was bad enough at 3 in the morning, and we had to go unto equally crowded side streets

highlights: 45+ yr old couple copulating on rather crowded side street (traumatized me), being glomped/groped by drunk person with 8 octopus arms, and being catcalled by drunk police officer riding shotgun in police van FULL with other police officers

went to bed around 6, woke at 8, decided have tumor, realized it's cramps, decided to burn out uterus in near future

more from last week: met up with andreas and thomas in concordia (giant jesus statue no electric lighting), met ppls there,
went to film casino, where it played "electric dragon 80000V" which i loved loved loved loved, so hilarious, jap. short film, b&w, lizards, electricity, reminded me of tekken or other bad asiatic fight thingies (done like that on purpose)
went to FLEX...uh, actually hate that place mostly...kind of "cool" place, lots of dancing, bar, no sitting and talking...did not dance, saw bad austrian band, but was amused, so not too bad

more from this week later...previews: coptic x-mas (jan. 6), family, walk with mish around central cemetery (biggest in vienna, coverage of small town), more family, exotic egyptian but half-gross foods
and upcoming: watching "kick it like beckham" in the cinema, and looking for summer jobs...realized didn't bring voltage adapter..now ready to shoot self...also realized never wrote good cover letters/applications.....any help more than welcome...

2002-12-30T01:34:00.000-05:00

mhm...well...friday saw a quiet get-together with the girls here...the only lighting consists of candles...and there's a giant jesus in front...'s not a religious place tho, then on saturday, michelle left for her house outside of vienna, scheduled to come back for the turn of the year
saturday was spent here..loud and smoky, and i was not in the mood for dancing but at least i saw a lot of ppl again

we missed one of the nightbuses(?) on the way home, and hiked through the cold rain for 15 mins
thus, sunday was fever countray....uh..yay...but it wasn't so bad really...i just sort of hung around on the couch in the living room, napping and watching tv on and off...i saw a german parody of ST, where everyone was so very very...i don't remember the word in english...when ppl are so gay with those handmovements and shtuff? anyways it wasn't pc at all, but it was star trek so there :p
also some random british department store soap comedy, and today half an hour ago (i woke up at 6 am), a bunch of jap. women dancing an austrian/bavarian dance, in those awful dirndl dresses, in a japanese highschool gym hall

i died laughing and happy ^_~

p.s.: note to self: i need to get network internet when i grow up, since those whistling noises the modem suffers through should be banned to hell at 7am in ze morning
also: do not kill thine sister, do not kill thine sister...nevermind she's playing the recorder at this insufferable hour!

2002-12-28T08:20:00.000-05:00

after 10 hrs worth of dismantling, uninstalling, formatting, installing, more installing, more dismantling the computer, i am proud to say i hath won...
only been here for a few days, and on the one hand, wow food is great, and gods i love it, but on other hand, want to break down and cry every time i see my grandmother and grandfather,...either that or hug them to death

the strange thing is: when my dad came to get me from the airport i felt something similar...of course _that_ only lasted for a few mins before i was ready to turn back and board another plane to mhc....-_-;;;;; (god i hate this keyboard btw)

2002-12-25T13:37:00.000-05:00

greetings,
this is the 2 min rant and greetings as i am residing on a strange computer
checkpoint1) flight surprisingly lovely, no little crying things from hell, no fat neighbours taking up all space, but on long trip: funky german med student/soccer play-ah dude...very normal, slightly boring, but am not complaining (see above lack of tortures)
short flight: married professors, he: austrian-born paris-living, she canada-born paris-living, booyah intelligent conversations ;)
checkpoint2: Christmas....quite lovely, i gots gifts! happyness happyness, maybe more details on meeting family and gifts if i get into mood
checkpoint3: friends:.....mhm...funkyness...but i called maria and we talked lots! fun! and we'll be convening tomorrow!
checkpoint4:comps: well...keyboards are sucky...esp. for html-codage...apart from that...two things about my parents' comp: Firstly, I have realized how much more the comp is the penis extension than the car....he never uses the damn thing, but got a flatbed scanner and an internal burner....arrrgh...and here i am pining for such things...one could also never approach him about bestowing these upon oneself (because he needs them for scanning in his favorite photographs of us and burning them)
oy...ve....apart from that...he ruined it!..he had a fatal error thing going on...then instead of reinstalling his OS he had some random dude come, wipe out _every_thing put on Win ME and put it on in such a bad and erroneous way that the comp has gone KABOOM
now i cannot even run the system disks we have...my only hopes lie in somenbody else's Win 98/Win Me CDs...and codes--but after that there shall be internet

HAPPY HOLYDAYS MINNA-SAN

2002-12-22T20:16:00.000-05:00

mhm...apparently the mother called (while i was at walmart's with my aunt...don't ask...my eye started twitching 10 mins into the 2 hr experience *twitch twitch*), and apparently they can't come get me from the airport...
shouldn't be a biggie tho...
will call her tomorrow to find out more
since it'll be the 24th and that's christmas, i can't ask anyone of my friends to accompany me on the train ride home either...;p
;p ;p ;p ;p
sux
leaving aunt's tomorrow at 1something to be at bus at 2...
will try to post tomorrow
grrr...this sux

2002-12-21T10:22:00.000-05:00

boooya
finals are over
am still twitching though (no, am not kidding, i've spent the past 4 days or so trying to calm down my twitchy limbs/eyes/whatnot)
checkup:
Jap.: easier than expected
Econ. Anthro.: mew mew, no real final, so dunno, decent enough
Indep.: let's spell s-h-i-t-t-y
Genji: AHAHAHAHAHAHA.....GO AWAY

sleep: will catch up soon, but something like 6 hours in the last 3 days
food: tik bought me chinese for dinner yesterday, which is good, since ze pants are hanging by ze hipbones, b/c of lack of nutrition
room: pigsty. pigsty. pigsty
email: email gudmundson: DONE, do simple stupid table layout and figure how to ftp it: TO DO
MUST: email lass, and partsch; find out about possible side jobs while in vienna, email some institutions b/c of summer prog/internsh.

To reward myself after the week from hell...i went to LOTR yesterday, it was fun, and i loved the cam shots, and the music fit it, ...but....some of the charas were rather butchered....grrrr...some of my fave charas too!.....surprisingly enough, smeagol had the best chara development, very well done, more detailed than in the book
helm's deep is...depressing, and beautiful, and fuckit i'm a pacifist, and v., v. depressing
and yes. yes. legolas is pretty. there.

mkay, am at aunts till monday...already going to shoot self, also updated the bella blog....might be on
if i don't hear from you: happy holidays everyone
i'm so happy and excited to go home, and to hang out with mine lovelies, and to psycho analyze the guys, and to have a great new year's and to see my grandparents

let 's admit it, i'm way too tired for a serious entry ;p
i go now

2002-12-18T00:30:00.000-05:00

cigs: BWAHAHAHAHA...ppl tell me i will die
music: BWHAHAHAHAHA.....i'm thinking "sleepless beauty" b/c of utsuru toki wo osorenaide
finals: shoot me now, shoot me now

anthro: only 7 pgs...and he wanted 20, and it looks like it will stay 7 pgs, maybe 8 if i fluff it up...i'm screwed....
genji: i hate you genji....off for a long night at dwight comp lab, 0 of 20 pgs (should be 25, but heck if i care)...more reading to be done...shooooooooooooot me!

i also found the poem i wrote in hommage to m's (aka, the only one of us with one) working relationship...spiffied it up, and gave it to her...it's still not very good, but meh, it's the thought that counts

god!
off i go ;p
ACH VERDAMMT NOCH MAL, ICH HASSE DAS LEBEN!

2002-12-18T00:25:00.000-05:00

""Which cocktail are you?""
brought to you by Quizilla

2002-12-16T20:56:00.000-05:00

What's your sexual appeal?
brought to you by Quizilla

2002-12-14T23:30:00.000-05:00

and i blog again.....
^_^

music: Bouga Akhenaton "Belsunce Breakdown"
cigs: you're kidding me right? it -is- finals after all
finals: 45 pages and one exam (45 pgs. min.)

so the last 2 weeks were somewhat .... interesting
directly after the break a friend told me about something v. v. bad that happened to her over break...the whole matter was quite weird, b/c mutual friends kept approaching me to talk to her...as it is, she's doing ok. i think she's not thinking about it though. i am probably more melodramatic about it than she could ever be ("melodramatic" in this context, b/c i could never say that i am more upset than she is...that would be a big fat lie)
so i was shaken, and freaked out, and was not at liberty to talk about it with ppls, then more random shit happened, to me personally, that freaked me out...in a "scared" way
THEN, i went into a bout of insecurity and funkiness, finals not helping to balance my sense of self, but i think i wasn't being too weird, and covered up rather ok
i knew i had to look for some sort of "closure", so i first talked to one of those friends i never end up seeing until finals, but with whom i still maintain a healthy, caring relationship at a distance. that kind of helped but wasn't enough
THEN thursday night, tech crew had another meeting of the "maglites poets' society" (maglites being very strong and good quality flashlights used by techies), so we met there, and set on the stage with the curtains closed and dim lighting on, and ppl started reading some poetry ("where the wild things are" wheeeee!), and then this really nice dude, who had organized a gig that same evening came and brought left-over fingerfood that was really really really yummi (pastries stuffed with sea food, shrimp, yummy real brie and other cheeses), and we drank hot chocolate and ended up exchanging stories about psychic experiences (i told ppl about seeing the ghost in the library during the summer)
i realized this was the kind of closure i had wanted, i was sitting there, and it was a "sorority" type setting, only of course it was more of a "nerd and stoner" group, and i felt completely safe with this ppl. Even though i know that some of them don't take me serious, b/c i haven't felt like letting them see certain non-childish and hyper sides of me, but i just felt in good hands, with a bunch of ppl that are really "good guys"
so i got my closure ^_^

today was kamsie's bon voyage party, more details later
now i go off to the lib to work on one of the 20pg min papers... and leave you with this:

Where Did Your Soul Originate?
brought to you by Quizilla

i promise i answered straight off the top of my head ^_^;;;;

What Kind of Virgin Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2002-11-12T02:23:00.000-05:00

everyone has a different perspective on things, but i just wish that as much as i try and finally am able to understand others' that they would do the same for me. that's a large part of what understanding is to me. of what friendship is to me.
--the bad guy's 2 cents

2002-10-26T12:36:00.000-04:00

went to animenight was fun.. M and kams were a bit disappointed i didn't do the dances with them, wanted to hit bed when i came home, but ended up getting stoned with kat, am now awake and not ready to face the world

2002-10-21T23:48:00.000-04:00

v Boxer movement
~1900: composed of farmers, drifters and marginal social groups (boatmen, cart drivers…), natural disasters (northern Kiangsu), origin mysterious, but believed to be traditional Chinese secret societies, first against Qing (Manchu), but then ally with empress dowager (against foreigners as well), strong conservative & traditionall movement, killed foreigners (missionaries…), ripped up telephone lines and railroad tracks, empress dowager: at first sends out troops as if trying to fight boxers, then tells them to help her
--> took Beijing, fought off first waves of foreigners (spurned on by imperial edict), then washed away --> china had to pay gigantic amount w/ interest every year

v Oct. 10 revolution
1911: Tung Meng Hui (Sun Yat-sen and Huang Hsing) lots of uprisings all failed, mainly funded by Chinese overseas and coordinated by Japanese helping Anti-Manchu nationalists.
Summer of 1911 in Szechuan “movement of Protection of Railroads” soon turned into nationalistic movement (“Szechuan to the Szechuanese”), 10 legendary failures; 11th: discover of plan on Oct. 9 -> turned into success with taking control of Wuchang, 2 months later all provinces of Central and South china had proclaimed their independence, Sun Yat-sen arrived in Shanghai Dec. 24, Provisional Pres of Republic of china, taking office 1st day of New Year in Nanking

v Sun Yat-sen
Born in rural China, motivations: to overthrow Manchu dyn. And modernize china along western lines, lifelong pres., lived in exile good portion, Of KMT, founder of Tong Meng Hui (Oct. 10 rev.), power struggle with Yuan Shikai, Sun Yat-sen support of rebels, Yuan support of army -->Yuan elected pres 1912, Sun created KMT and won majority of seats, Yuan dissolved parliament/declared himself emperor, sun--> exile & direct national movement against yuan towards Chinese unification. After Yuan’s death, KMT and sun in power, new military academy, support from ussr, wanted to unite china, died 1925, chian his successor

v Chiang Kai Shek
Training with jap. Army, returned in time to assist in efforts to overthrow Qing, military aide to sun yat-sen in Guanzhou government,, went with sun to ussr, est. commander of new Whampoa milit. Acad., after sun’s death position stronger, launched northern expedition to Shanghai and nanjing (sun’s dream), followed coop. With ccp until 27, when started civil war b/w kmt and ccp, seized at sian 36, to stop civil war and unite against japan --> 2nd united front 37-45, after WWII, civil war, forced to exile in Taiwan in 49 (CCP takes power – PRC)

v Zhou Enlai
Prominent Communist figure in Chinese history, joined Sun in 24 (when sun was cooperating w/ commun.), deputy director at whampoa (under chiang as commander), fled from KMT when chiang broke with commun., participated in long march, chief communist liaison during rapprochement, foreign and premier minister during PRC
v KMT
Successor of Tung Meng Hui, in power thru Sun, initially Yuan, who turned against it, then again Sun & Chiang (joined comm. To overthrow Beijing gvt., northern expedition, turned against commun., new gvt. In nanjing), Comm. Win 1949
3 principles of the people: nationalism, democracy, people’s livelihood

v CCP
Est. 1921, more I do not know….long march and stuff

v May 4th
1919: student revolt in beijing, workers, women, against imperialism and pro-japanese treaty of Versailles (jap. Gets shantung region), boycott of foreign prod., sun yat-sen and mao ze dong both key figures, successful
(students key figures b/c could write/read, have no econ. Interest/dependencies, have time)
v HK seamen strike
1922 - 27: unfair treatment in wages, protest not acknowledged, organized, leave ships/disappear with ships, seamen’s union forms, seen as illegal underground group, prosecuted by police, disappear to canton (first labour unions)
strike ends with apology by owners, but no adjustment of wages

v May 30th
1925: jap. Factories (textiles) in shanghai small group rises up, calls for British (colonial) groups under Scottish lead, kill workers, students and workers boycott and strike (studens key figures see above), students and workers killed,
-->membership of CCP increased drastically
(japan paid compensation? –says maren, didn’t find it anywhere)

v Canton-HK strike
1921-26: reason: international owners unfair, canton has either outcome all to gain, nothing to lose (rivalry with HK), organize strikes, bring minimal money and own food --> bad for economy, british get replacement workers, persuaded to leave before ships land in HK, canton becomes unofficial capital of china, declared most radical region by ussr (KMT & CCP, both find refuge in that region), british have to accept workers back (police side w/ strikers – nationalism)

v KMT-CCP united front
Started by sun’s negotiations, completed by chiang in sun’s spirit, triple mobilization: workers, students, peasants, march to shanghai, attack army & police, invite troops to join, take shanghai, also northern expedition overthrow Beijing gvt., set up new kmt gvt (see above), break 1927 b/c of chiang, want to purge china from comm. Long march (mao ze dong), 2nd united front 1937-45 after sian incident

2002-10-16T13:15:00.000-04:00

Sie sind meine Spachtel. Sie sind die netteste kleine Spachtel in der breiten Welt des Ganzen. Sie mischen den Kuchen in meinem Herzen; Sie maketh die Zuckerglasur zum zu verbreiten. Sie verbritten meine Zuckerglasur, Baby!

2002-10-10T01:41:00.000-04:00

mhm a little something, until i can post again....
this test btw, has the most pathetic question i have seen in suuuuuch a long time...tried to answer truthfully anyways...and incidentally, this was somehow predictable...

Which Yami no Matsuei Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2002-10-08T16:06:00.000-04:00

Which Subaru are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2002-10-07T21:32:00.000-04:00

am constantly bouncing up and down....what a joke what a joke....what a joke life is.

on another note, i could be by far worse off, if it was noto for M...henry is constantly trying to feed me, and deserves praise for that, otherwise i would not eat; kamui is being genki, and deserves praise, otherwise i would not be genki ever.
M is great, maybe b/c in some ways she knows how i work..so the timing of jokes, niceties etc. is perfect.
and when i'm down, and can't get up, and don't want to bear with genki, or would puke if i ate, and i still do both, she would send me a link, help me with my work. in a very unobtrusive, matter of fact way.
blows me away.
wish i could reciprocate.
am just very grateful.
doumo, dude.

2002-10-03T23:55:00.000-04:00

music: ahahaha...."stab me in the back" & "every me every you" ---in my head only
cigs: oh for fuck's sake, must we go there? not as bad as all of last week, but not even worth mentioning...lots, and lots

work is....a plethora of, really. to think about it is...gah, and scary, but at the same time my attitude changed.
"there is nothing worth living for" has now changed to "....."

george pays his respects to M

there are people
that will make a body believe in
the red thread
tied to their smallest
finger
threadbare
stretching across
in a wild tentative reach
towards the other
another smallest finger

there are people
that will make a body believe in
what you cannot
obtain
for the sheer
wilderness
of a broken soul

yet looking at people
like these
makes a body
happy
for the rest of the species

in the fragility of the human body
consisting of molecules
travelling across the ether
along a red highway
mingling
with the other
somewhere along the middle
people become
"we"
and even
"I"

and though a body might scoff
cynically
at this idea
there are people that do
and a body would be lying, if denying
the truth of his happiness

2002-10-02T13:57:00.000-04:00

crappy crappy lines really, not to be read unless in wanting bad lines mood, served purpose tho...meh, ignore this post

to live by the credo
of enjoying
life
love
leisure
is delusional

to live by the credo
of crying
pain
pressure
power
is ignorable

for every minute that passes
without a second's hesitance
a lifetime that is lived to the fullest
can be found
---as if

as if the "sun's kiss on the brow"
is given by anything more than mutilated lips
received by anything more than scarred skin

rocked
scarred
to the core
cracked
into a web of light
this electromagnetic field
this never-truly-but-somehow-maybe
efficient piezo crystall
has worn itself out

to re-boot
again start
hacking
into the networks of breathing
-unachievable but ordinary

one more day, one more chance
no more than that

to live by the credo
of bouncing
back
bright (if not)
bloodied
is the only way to live
once a body sees the sun shining through
(his body)
another ultimatum, another challenge

if it was not for george,
he of the dragon-slaying qualities,
he of the grand sainthood,
he, who has wormed his name into my family,
i would not take it

thank god for the annoying little bugger

2002-10-01T17:44:00.000-04:00

want to not feel like every day is the same
......
...i had a dream when i took a nap, i remembered it, it was realistic, one of those am i awake or asleep things, it sucked,

...want to have a cig to suck on all day, am blowing my limits to the wind

.....i don't see a point, frankly

-this is not a subtle request for fluffiness, cheeriness, glomps, hugs or cuteness, kay? _please_

NOTE: the last line applies to the world in general and not just to henry, just so you know, henry, and don't go feeling bad on me, okay? _please_

2002-09-29T23:56:00.000-04:00

oooohkay, since ime decided to give up on me, we'll do this in romanji:
ryokou (hope for my sake i know that), kankou suru (sightseeing dammit), kaigai, mise, kuukou (learned that last year, must remember!), chizu, yoyaku suru, kokunai, kippu, eki, omatsuri, tatemono (forget that and die!), douzou, honmono, nisemono, sugu, mousugu, junbi, gakki, ryokan (after all the whining about not being able to go to the onsen, youo better know this!)

iu, omou (methinks), tsuku as opposed to deru, sagasu, tsukau, harau, tomaru, wasureru, tateru, kotaeru, shiraberu, shitteiru, shiranai, motteiku, mottekuru

2002-09-29T16:49:00.000-04:00

did not know that HE was one of the archangels, or that he still can be counted as one...

Which ArchAngel are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

2002-09-28T13:15:00.000-04:00

wanted to take quiz, to start off the new design....didn't find anything....took this old one...and yup, it's still the same result o.O

what's your cowboy bebop theme song?

2002-09-27T20:06:00.000-04:00

i hate blogger

2002-09-27T19:13:00.000-04:00

*refusing to post until their internal server error is fixed and i can put up my new template*

2002-09-27T19:08:00.000-04:00

god i hate bloggers' guts

2002-09-27T18:58:00.000-04:00

pleeeeeeease work

2002-09-26T16:23:00.000-04:00

music: none, since i'm too lazy to put a cd in
cigs: at the moment, camel lights....lots of them....have not been a good girl in keeping my limit...

have just read the worst gw-fic on _any_ of the known universes...(at this point, i babble and try to justify myself for even stooping to read gw-fics, i would tell you that i identify with duo...well...and with heero....and maybe a little bit with wufei..., and at this point i would have to shoot myself for the rambling...). Where was i? Ah, yes. bad bad gw-fic! had to read it all b/c it was so well written, but it did -not- have any warnings on it dammit...ack duo and trowa together, ackackack....and once one gets over the obvious direction the whole thing is taking wham! one is confronted with a drunk karaoke-singing heero, a "sexual healing" advocating duo, and impotent quatre, and "bad-after-nookie-lines-Wufei!" < quote > justice has been served yesterday night! < / quote >. And i just couldn't stop reading! ....
....gah

life is going as usual, although i'm battling myself non-stop not to fall into that slump...i really don't know who i'm kidding since i'm obviously not doing my work...maybe if i cleaned up my room properly, maybe if internet broke down (but then i would die)

god maybe if i just stopped being pathetic and weak and whiny....(at least i'm honest to myself *wince*)

on another tone...the invasion of the gnats. M states they originate from lower lake and i see no reason not to believe her. I am sure that interestingly diverse biotope, which we really should convince the deans to rename into "lower swamp", can come up with such horrendous beasts...did i mention above diversity? (ah the pretty green mouldy stuff floating on top! ah the wonderful *fertile* smell when the sun is shining! ah these lovely little black dots buzzing around, and keeping me company in my room! gnats!)

also, plenty of work...i'm sure...if i could just remember what exactly...also, tea ceremony tonight..
also, soon to come new blog layout

2002-09-24T22:13:00.000-04:00

this is freaky...

Which X/1999 characters are you?

Quiz made by Chesa

as it should be!!!!! ^_^

border="0">

You can take or leave
love, just as long as you get your sex.

href="http://ghotli.cjb.net/kobito/yquiz.html">Who's Your Inner Weiß
Pairing? @ Weiß
Versa

2002-09-22T04:01:00.000-04:00

current music: none, b/c zooey is playing crazy
cigs: over my limit....

2 things before the report:
1)Tomorrow M comes back ^_____^ *happy san*, i might go with henry to the airport to pick her up, neeee, M, i hope you had a good time!

2)I think when i call female progenitor tomorrow, i'll tell her i'll stay in Vienna over J-term, gives me more time there, and since not too many of the other guys seem to be hanging around, it is probably the wisest choice...

so now the saturday report (slightly keywordish, since i'm tired): hung around, was lazy, did not really do work, went with 8 other ppls to ichiban for dinner, shared tuna rolls and yumyumyummy korean entree with kamui's imouto, ate plenty of stuff, was happy. then went to faces, did not find chilli pepper lights (which i decided were not too girly, and might give sanatorium cell added spice ^_~), but bough funky stickers of japanese manga panda bear in various sick/injured situations (don't blame me, blame henry and the cuteness of the damn things)
then had coffee milkshake (am leaving out all the smoked cigs, btw)....

came back, drove randomly around with henry, dragged henry to lunar howling for the full moon howling, henry squealed, my voice went blah, la librarian was there

kidnapped la librarian to go hiking in the nearby state park, hiked few meters in almost complete dark, until we saw tent right in front of us, ran away like cowards, hung out on the meadow next to state park parking lot, talked about la librarian's experiences (and men) in British-Columbia.....

henry decided she must play drinking game, b/c we were talking aboout them..since past midnight and liquor stores closed went back to henry's appartment, where there be plenty of alc. mels and monkeychild joined. henry started out with water, until stupid monkeychild gave her alc (dork!)...obviously ppls got tipsy, apart from mels, la librarian, and moi. monkeychild went "woooosh" and henry went slightly "ping!" with a lot of added overdrama of non-existant drunkness....as for the drinkinggame: "never have i ever"

"never have i ever"

gah....even though i learned a _lot_ about the lovely guys tonight (and i mean lots! cower in fear!), i absolutely remembered why i promised myself last year to never do this again....well...whatever, now i know better than to promise myself useless shit like that again...although it _is_ great that even though embarrassing stuff came out, no one was able to target me specifically

^_________^

2002-09-20T09:46:00.000-04:00

i think i have a sleep illness.
can't wake up.
sux.

i promise i'll go grammar test.
in just a sec.
sux.

man, i wish i had no obligations and whatnot, and go to the beach or somewhere else spiffy, that would mean, i wouldn't have to go to bella meeting....who? antisocial? moi? ahahahahah!
since i am also one of the people that need friends and friends' reassurment practically non-stop, i can only say one thing to ka-senp:

contradicting myself, down to the smallest atom, has been the way of things for forever, and it doesn't matter, and i'm keeping fingers crossed that ex will get over it, as i believe he will

m's getting booty
henry is getting new victims
kamui is getting a job (wait, damn, soo am i...i got a job from gudmundson)

of the above thing, i want one, and don't need the other two, we could argue for hours here, but eventually everyone is my victim ^_^
must remember to go to my tech shift tonight
must call terry and registrar's and financial shitamashit for stuff

2002-09-19T01:00:00.000-04:00

alright! am writing!
and to punish you evil spamming ppls, i shall write nonsense!

nonsense a) this blog needs a new layout, it's too cheery....maybe something with lots of black *snorts at self*

nonsense b) am tired...this 4 classes thing kind of sux sometimes ;p

nonsense c) zooey wants a battery so badly

nonsense d) tik's birthday is today (thursday that is) and so ppls came over around midnight, and brought an oreo cake....and we sang happy b-day to her...while sitting in the hallway, and eating the cake like pigs (= no silverware nor plates)

also: the genji seminar seems fairly easy (until the final paper that is)...watching XXX with ze guys was oh my god, soooo funny, henry does excellent coffee, and insists to mix it for me every time i get it (we have established that my satisfaction in lighting other ppls cigs is similar); M Li still thinks she's straight (quote straight is great! unquote....naturrrrallly we all believe her...), kamui is getting into a plushie making frenzy, and lea and mels are funky ppls that should come to next anime night, dammit!

2002-09-14T00:14:00.000-04:00

so, i like to write pathetic entries...it izzz in my nature
or not really...

knowing me, words will come with nightfall, but since i don't have any cigs to have a late night smoke, do not expect too much (well i had several cigs today, not as many as befit a day of these proportions, but better than nothing)
mhm, i wonder whether i should break into kamui's room while she's sleeping and steal some
i wonder whether i should beg tik for another one
anything for creativity really, anything to avoid pathos....

it is a strange mixture of world weariness (ooh, angst! pathos!), weariness in general, annoyance with self, and growing fear of pneumonia and rheumatism (i love my 19th cent. sanatorium cell, but i am greatly scared of getting sick)
the hot shower was brilliant today, might end up taking another hour long one before i go to bed....wait scratch that, that activates the pipes in kamui's room.....tika went to bed as well....*shrug shrug*

laters, maybe, s

2002-09-13T13:34:00.000-04:00

more to come later....(seeing as my life is super exciting and all that nya nya)....buuuut
this
needs
to be said:

DEAREST PPLS! i know that death means someone has to die _in_ the story as opposed to later on in life _outside_ of the story (and yes these characters have a life in my mind)
BUT: don't you think it's a _tiny_little_bit_ exaggerated to just give a warning of "angst" when duo actually has not HIV but FULLBLOWN aids???? as in, he's gonna die in half a year? as in, did i really really deserve that heart attack?

*sniff*

2002-09-08T19:07:00.000-04:00

I, Sandra, am big and tall!
And very smart and kinda evil and wonderful!
I think that there is nothing I cannot do!
I can get the feet right, tooooo!

(lizzie luvs sandra)

2002-09-07T17:52:00.000-04:00

mhm, i changed my comment box as well...now it fits in the colour scheme...i hope....

2002-09-07T16:12:00.000-04:00

i want this stupid blog to work!

2002-09-02T10:00:00.000-04:00

to do:

pay $200 general bill

pay $320someething additionally into tuition bill

ask whether i have to do I-9 at financial services

get room key

transport/unpack shit

plugin laptop and request ip#

make sure i know all of my classes, when and how, and when does hampshire start classes? (for kyuudo)

after i know all my classes, get off campus registration stuff from reg

2002-08-31T13:17:00.000-04:00

just watched beefed-up new he-man on Cartoon Net, which reminded me:
ka-senp, he-man can't be in love with she-ra, unless he's into the incestuous (they're twin siblings) so my guess is that he's got a semi-thing with tyla, the palace captain's daughter

am incidentally enjoying taking online tests:

i have one thing to say: "............"

no comment...no comment whatso

2002-08-31T11:48:00.000-04:00

ummm.....i feel flattered? about this result? i guess?
anyways back in the states, back to school in a bitty, need new blog layout badly

The mind-reading, short temper, red haired, German beauty! You are Schuldig, Mr. Popularity Extraordinare! You have so much potential to be a charming, witty, and alluring person!! However you delight in screwing other people over!!! This is all because it's all with in your power. You can read minds, make people do things they don't want to do. Telephathy and mind control is your stregnth and downfall..besides your impulsiveness and short-temper. You have a car, in which to drive farfarello around, and have the most annoying seiyuu alive! Your weiß counter is Youji, and unlike HIM..you are fashionable to some degree... all of this making YOU, probably the most drooled over Schwarz member. Which you deserve to be, because Farfie and Nagi are annoying as hell.

What member of Schwarz are you?

2002-08-08T08:36:00.000-04:00

WAI! M! roxors! the big one!

sooooo you ninja-ed my money worries! you did you did! i didn't win in the lottery, but i'm not gonna worry about it anymore...i'll have plenty of time to do that next semester :p

meantimewise, i have my suitcase back, had a lovely evening, in a restaurant/drinking place deal on tues night with lots of friends, went yesterday to the cinema with my chickies, watched a flamish/flemish(?) movie about becoming a star...flemish is funny, and lots similar to german, then hung out at an ice cream place...didn't eat ice cream, but had coffee....
laters guys,
internet-less in Vienna

2002-08-06T09:19:00.000-04:00

sooooo....my airport thingy went alright, and not frightening, and i had quite the funny literary shmuck to post here....but

1)they lost my luggage

2)i had a family thing that turned out fun, and we had champagne and shit
but

3)i had a "money talk" with my mother, more like i made her have a funny talk with me, and that made me, obviously, slide into future and money anxieties (and family obligations, and job market, and money, and where the hell to take it from)

4)this thing got heavier and heavier as the night went on, and the jetlag got worse, and i couldn´t fall asleep, and such things as (job) and (money) slid into (working something menial) and (where? if i wanna stay in the statez how could i do that??) and (if i do some menial shit in europe, and just earn enough money to live and give some to my sis) and (i don´t wanna think about money all the time dammit)

5)then it got even shittier and slid into (why the hell am i still living and breathing, if i will work my ass off with something shitty or maybe office-y till í'm 60 and then waiting for a pension that will be at something like $800???)

the end of this long rant is: yes i will probably post my funny literary shit, but my parents don't have an internet connection anymore and i'm writing this from the public lib....and i don't feel so bad sooo much, b/c it's day, and whatnot, and i had a follow-up about the "money" talk, and it's not that bad, but still bad enough, and i dunno, and i deserve a vacation, and damn if i don't get it...my only concession will be to not spend money....to get coke instead of more expensive stuff....but damn! i actually cried yesterday, seriously _cried_! for 2 fucking hours....i don't remember the last time i cried before that really

oh ka-senp: that lotr thing is fucking hilarious!

and m-busta: who from? *snort*

2002-08-04T15:10:00.000-04:00

thank god for airport technology....*snort* yeah right....writing this with a certain time limit purchased off my card fux0rs....but what even more fux0rs is the ticket chick that thought i was 13....13 for chrissakes!!! alright admittedly, i had my uncle babysitting me to the airport and to the ticket counter, but for chrissakes!!! 13??? wtf???

i feel funky, which is why i actually went online....like i wanna puke, and at the same time be elated....like i've never been on a plane before

which is weird, b/c i've been on planes regularly since i was 5....so i don't know what the hell the matter is....except that if feel funky, and my self-esteem went down the drain once this chick said i looked like 13, b/c this is when san goes even more wacko than regular, and reality shifts around one person's statement, and suddenly it becomes real

arrrgh! arghargharrrrgh! i can picture myself sliding into the san that was 5 yrs ago...arriving in vienna and behaving as if i was still in high school....shoot me now

just shoot me now please...

2002-08-03T21:35:00.000-04:00

AHA!

TAKE THIS BUSTA!

i have proven now that 1) i'm AYA 2)AYA is not interested in ken (and san is definitely not thinking about M that way) and MOST IMPORTANTLY 3) that there is only one for aya: YOUJI

hah! HAH i tell you!

Why are you wasting your time here? You could be having sex with . . .

Which Weiß Kreuz guy could you be having sex with?

incidentally today was great, met kamui, went shopping, got new backpack and gifts for the little demons (sis and whatnot) had yummmmy jap food, and still no transformer (sux0rz)

listening to"Stab me in the back"
ne, mari-chan, you gotta e-mail me on monday, what with the time difference, you won't get an e-mail until tuesday probably :(

2002-08-03T00:06:00.000-04:00

HAH! and HAH again! i am AYA, and since i'm AYA i would never EVER sleep with Ken or ESPECIALLY if m li is KEN. scratch that i would NEVER EVER sleep with ken period....only youji, if anybody, so HAH! TAKE THAT M!!!

You're Aya.

Despite having the personality of a downright cold-hearted asshole, you still seem to have a large collection of fan-girls. Everyone seems to love you, and worship the ground your stiff feet walk on. You never let grudges go, you're not a very good friend, and frankly you wouldn't mind if you became deaf (all the more better to ignore the world around you!). So many people find you dead-sexy it doesn't matter how you act. I guess beauty really is only skin deep!

Which member of Weiß are *you*? Take the quiz!

and just to prove it i'll take the other quiz tomorrow, but i'm being kicked off the aunt's comp right now, so meh, laters

2002-08-01T22:56:00.000-04:00

Two trips to the Foodmart in the same day. day=hot, sweltering AKA beautiful. hiking=suxors AKA how the hell does one get blisters from flip-flops?
But the second trip was a blast, surreal even, took a whole different route that i haven't heard about before, dark road cars whizzing by, plenty of American houses to make fun of. then bought tika 5 packages of loose tobacco from a mobile station, and she got us some beverages from Friendly's. We sat on the sidewalk that is not really a sidewalk but a pedestrian style extension of the road, drank said beverages (yours truly had iced cappucino), smoked rolled cigs, and talked.

yet the best part the best quote the best joke on the way there:
we passed a middle school and tik talked about the pledge of (?)allegiance(?), of which i had heard before, but didn't know anything about "oh, you go there in the morning and you have to stand up. you take your right hand and put it on your left tit. then you say 'america is the best country and so great and we love it'"

Did i mention i love tik? adore even?

2002-07-30T09:41:00.000-04:00

am dead, dead i tell you....

so much stuff in the meantime, but still, mostly: am dead

took ibuprofen yesterday, promptly knocked out from around 9ish till 3ish in the morning, missed phonecall from chick giving me ride, hope she's still giving me ride (to springfield, from there bus to framingham, then aunt pick me up), dead dead dead

will prolly only work until noon today, then go across street get coffee and cookie, then shower, then pack, then 2 hrs of jap garden...

but i'm crampy, and thusly grumpy, and i want an e-mail, but can't articulate myself, and maybe mari-chan will be nice and will write me one

currently attached to a bottle of ice tea lemon, wanting to puke, wanting not to work, but having to pay the rent, tired tired dead, wanting e-mail, dead dead

2002-07-24T09:39:00.000-04:00

sv went to Boston on Thurs and to NY from there on Fri....so i had peace....
i was sick on friday, and am firmly convinced that M Li gave it to me via computer
i also went shopping with mels and DH on saturday, purchased jeans (not baggy, i look skinny *bleh*) and flip flops (oranger, very summery) in the mall, and a big james dean poster in NoHo.

sv came back, and it went down from there....let's not speak about this anymore, meh meh meh, it was bad, it was ugly, and i had a small breakdown (when was it again? monday? tuesday?monday, i think).

also my laptop battery died, and i have to purchase a new one, which could be anywhere from $50 to $200 apparently, which would be worth it, and whatnot, but after the third try of calling dell this morning i am deliberating whether i shouldn't just wait, until i come back ;p
i have to buy a transformer anyways, and it's not like i'm gonna use my laptop _that_ much, so i prolly won't need a battery..

currently: having an umbilical cord to ice tea lemon, and sitting hidden in a corner, on a floor i shouldn't be on....cursing the stacks!

M-girl i don't count your last blog entry as an e-mail to me ;p
so there! write!

mariamaria: ich will meine schuladresse hier nicht reintun, will aber mit dir zum Callas-Film gehen, also reservierst du mir auch eine karte? und gehst du jetzt nach London (sag nein! *weinerlich* du willst mit _mir_ zeit verbringen, gelle?_

2002-07-22T14:06:00.000-04:00

work for chrissakes!

2002-07-22T13:55:00.000-04:00

work damn you!
work!

2002-07-18T16:06:00.000-04:00

mhm...first things first:

dear mary-jane: *lol* my gmx addy is still working...but i don't check it quite as often as my mtholyoke address, i'm fm4 paranoid, b/c, i guess i just am....it's just a weird feeling...like paranoia....and goddamnit i like toas' new homepage, did he do that java himself? did he draw the stuff himself??? with a mouse? (i probably shouldn't be astonished....), account of this past week/what's going on will follow soon...

i finally got my room assignment, and i shall be in the same dorm/on the same floor as kamui and m li *haaaaaaaaappy*
and i want to go to london too dammit.....

can someone give me a price estimate again?

aaaaand, i'm arriving in vienna on the 5th around 9 in the morningish.

now that this is cleared up, random shtuff:

what's your cowboy bebop theme song?

2002-07-12T12:59:00.000-04:00

waiiiii! mari-chan's going to the beach.....sooooo jealous....or something *g*....ummm, can't write much, as lunchbreak is over NOW.
getting off work at 3:30 ^_^, then however, errands, and webpaging, and garden, and more webpaging, and did i mention cigs and coffee?
of course cigs and coffee, cigs and coffee are my life, apart from those few ppl that are my life as well ^_~
more later

ja ne

2002-07-10T21:28:00.000-04:00

alright! i am sooo kira! and m is setsuna at the most! i mean come on, sooooo uke! anyways, there's only one _real_ lucifer ;p

cold.. or are you?

Find out what bishonen you are.

2002-07-10T09:25:00.000-04:00

i have approx. 10 secs to write this blog.....
under the premises that 1) i am sir george (my male name -- *blows kiss to Sir Henry*), and 2) DH is sir henry and 3) i am thoroughly obsessed with J.K.Rowling and being a "marauder" (harry potter style)

then:

Sir George will be working in the Dungeons before noon, in the Tower after noon, and in the Gardens in the Eve. Furthermore, Sir George would like to express his wish to exercise with Sir Henry, but fears that after a slightly prolonged stay in the Gardens, he will have to retreat to his cell (spartanic as it may be, it has a nice view), and battle furthermore with the monsters of nowadays called "kompyuta".

Furthermore, Sir George would like to express his joy at seeing M Li online yestereve, and would love to hear from his lovely fellow mentally deranged across the wide sea.

2002-07-07T16:41:00.000-04:00

i really enjoyed the mall yesterday; i kept myself amused by speaking in a sweet girly voice and proclaiming that i'm a "true highschool sophomore", i personally think that i could pull it off, seeing as half of the time ppl think i'm 15 or 16 yrs old.....maybe i'll just run arond for a day or so talking in what i dub my "awwww look at _me_, look at _me_, i'm so cute!" voice; maybe i'll commit suicide afterwards...

incidentally, ka-senp has gotten herself together and given into yet another addiction....look to the left.....this is what dh calls the "fall of the mighty". ^_^
mhm... all of dh's last post is dedicated to the greatness that is ka-senp...not that i disagree at all....i spoke to dh yesterday and pondered that it would be nice to be one of the "great" [excuse me while i laugh at the mental image that "my greatness" produces], but hey, i'm not choosy, i'll just continue on my path as lucifer [mwahahaha].

thinking about how much a tattoo would cost...i want a small one, i think i have an idea.
also, more web page stuff today.

2002-07-07T16:29:00.000-04:00

glory days
want to listen to nanase's glory days, and laugh until i fall to the ground....
butbut, winmx, that lovely program, refuses to connect me....maybe i need to get the newer download version? and audiogalaxy is being a pain in the ass and not letting me download nanase songs

mkay....report ensues:the 4th of july....my very first one....nothing special, on the night of the 3rd we hiked to the hill behind the 'delles (sweet lovely north and south mandelle dormitories....the pseudo-victorian castle beyond the bridge and lower lake ^_^), where about 5 million ppl were gathered to watch the fireworks, they had over in south hadley. firstly, i haven't seen that many guys in forever, secondly, they're all researchers, so those idiots behind us were discussing biological matters _while_ the fireworks were going on; a small imitation: *whooooosh* *boom* *bang* "so as i said...." *boom* *bang* *whoosh* *whoosh* "and therefore" *bang* *bang* *bang* *boom* "oh the finale just finished, we should applaud", fool on the hill *g*, sv went to the cinema, and i worked on the page afterwards....the 4th itself was kinda boring to say the least, but dh and mels picked me up to go to friendly's, and i kept snickering and wishing everyone a happy "damn-those-goddamn-nonamerican-aliens" day
that night, i also slept only 4 hrs, before my meeting about the webpage with n-sensei....it's being a pain, and i don't like netscape
friday sv went to boston for the weekend....ummm bummed around....didn't do anything....which was nice ^_~, dh decided to disappear for the night, which i only understand too well, really.
saturday ditched the one hr of work at the garden, went to connecticut with dh and mels, we hung out at a mall of all places....ummmm, i'm scared of malls....and of the people therein....that one wasn't too bad tho, and kind of nice even....we went to TGI Friday, had decent food there *yumm salmon, broccoli cheese soup, baked potato* *yumm oreoicecreamwithchocolateandcaramelsauce dessert*, then went to mediaplay, where i read/skimmed over a manga, where we hung out for hours, where dh called ka on her cell phone and all 3 of us talked to her for what seemed like forever....surprisingly, i wasn't too embarrassed....although dh was leafing through an "erotic massage" book and through the "kamasutra" while she was speaking on the cell.....then scooby doo *g* hilarious! i think the majority of MHC students is definitely daphne.....me personally.....ummm...prolly shaggy ^_~
then more books at barnes and noble.
today ali came over yesterday, b/c she drove her girlfriend to the nearby airport, so she crashed in my room for the night, and left noonish today to go back to vermont....but she drove me to dunkin' donuts first, so i could get some breakfast (i'm really getting spoiled food-wise, and i'm spending too much money), then work at the garden, then swimming with dh, then totally dizzy and dehydrated

2002-07-05T02:08:00.000-04:00

blogger ate my last post....buggers....not too much time, working on webpage, meeting with n-sensei tomorrow

listening to "sleepless beauty" - my obsession, my craving, my [pseudo?] darkness

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grrr...this isn't working too well...it keeps deleting stuff.....anyways: osorenaide...there!

2002-07-01T16:33:00.000-04:00

dearest dearest mary-jane (this is getting to be a tradition), so yes i visited your webpage, and no, i did not sign your guestbook...i just didn't feel like it....so there ;p ausserdem, glaubst du nicht, dass es ein bissi furchteinfloessend ist, deine ganze "big brother is watching you" masche? ;p und ach ach ja, ich hab mich wieder mal im hypomnema eingetragen ;)

so....my weekend....friday dinner at bickford's with DH....was kay, not too exciting...company was lovely as usual of course ;), mels didna wanna hang out with us, cuz she doesn't love us and whatno' , saturday....oooh saturday....saturday was lovely...saturday was a)roll out of bed b)work at the garden c) workout -yes, you heard me right, shut up, so i went to work out, so what???- errrm, yeah, workout with DH d)blissful shower e)mhm---the whately's---an omelette sandwich, fries and apple sauce afterwards...then monster pancake that i shared with DH (mels had to work :(), and soooo much coffee, i practically drowned in....i got the basic concept for the japanese logo done there, with soooo much help from DH....and then i went back and did the new layout, meow, although it's still not a hundred percent....must scan in logo, and maybe mari-chan will cg it for me, and whatnot...then paste it into the layout design, which i still have to perfect....but yeah.....i think it might be too plain, but she wanted simple....and she didn't even want buttons *shrug* dunno....you can go check it out at yonder this way
it's....meh, to say the least....e-mail me if you think it's too plain for the skeleton? please be honest!
umm sunday....dunno, work work and more work? also procrastination? when we went to bed, sv got up and went out on the balcony, i deliberated turning over and being ignorant, but the whole weekend was steeped in "relationship""difficulties", so i went out and she was crying, i sat on her lap and we had a smoke....this "cigarette romance" is just too weird....if one can call it that.....
i'm soooo chickenshit

2002-06-25T15:47:00.000-04:00

dearest dearest mary-jane, first of all, i hate you all, how dare you go to a stereo total concert without me? and yes i like them! i discovered them earlier this year, and they're so.....worshippable....
second of all....you did not need to specify that you were drunk off your ass, it was quite obvious *g*, another reason to hate you all, i cannot remember the last time i felt like drinking, or rather the last time i felt comfortable enough/was in the right company to drink..

mkay, so sunday, nothing much i worked my ass off webpage wise and discovered that i hate java, wonderful thing though: chris' parents had stopped by on sat and left her some food, so we had yummy potato salad and even yummier parsley baked salmon meow! foodwise i have been so spoiled lately. and as dessert: layered chocolate-nut cake. myam.
i still hated java, sincerely, and to the bone, thought it was easy to get a free code and paste it and whatnot, but no! it had to ruin my stylesheets/link colours in specific.

note: go read m li's blog, every time she talks about webwork, it's just so casual....and it's sometimes a really big struggle for me...i think the design is just the hardest part, to maintain/fill with content would be tedious at its worst, although i still think i would like to do that.....i keep myself from being depressed, by telling myself that i've just been toying with this for the last year, so yeah....

so i made an appointment with some webchick for tomorrow, so she can have a look, but as soon as i went home, i didn't feel like working on it at all, then dh and mels stopped by and we had coffee and ice cream at friendly's (that was 11ish), after i had 3 cups of coffee, i tried retracing my steps, and retrying them, and suddenly it worked! still gonna go to that appointment though.

and nemoto-sensei e-mailed me that she was back *panic attack* my designs aren't finished yet! and most of what i have are procedures on how i can do things but i don't have the exact measurements and stuff and whatnot (e.g. for the "spartanic" white design, i only have 2 resized buttons, and the java sub menu, and the style sheet that i want to use for the main menu/text....so if you look at it in design view....it's just white...with 2 buttons) *panic attack*

oi mari-chan, tell me it'll be alright! *hyperventilates*

other highlights of the weekend: in an _extremely_ amusing and chaotic way, i have been restricted to 40hrs a week. said way involved giving sincerely yours a giant heart attack when someone said something about INS regulations. sincerely yours has _not_ been told about that. turns out said INS regulation is non-existant, and the 40 hr thing is a combined MHC/state of mass thing (basically working for 2 depts. if you work more than 40 hrs, one of the depts has to give you overpay)...so myeh...might have some good news but dunno yet, and don't wanna jinx it

2002-06-22T12:06:00.000-04:00

such a cool/weird week, weird because of the emotional pool of bipolarity i have fallen into as well as am confronted with, but cool

so so cool
wednesday, DH came and kidnapped me to go to friendly's with her and mels, i got a crunchy chicken salad that wasn't really good per se, but provided me with much needed meat and greenery *g*

thursday, after DH discovered the balcony, and she and mels were hanging out there with svet and i, i had this huuuuge urge for some pancakes, although i a) did not feel hungry at all and b) was too lazy to make them (i have a pancake mix....all you do is add water and stir it and whatnot...what? i don't cook real stuff); she was hungry herself, so i looked up directions to the whately diner and we drove there. the whately diner: my favourite truck stop/diner of all times; it sports a metallic, neon lighty look from the outside, tables with small juke boxes, and cheap, but really good, food on the inside, as well as really weird patrons (i.e. truck drivers, punky high school kids, old lechers), the mere presence of whom make me feel comfortable. i had an orgasmic pancake.....myaaaam

friday, after work, svet, maria, tika and i hiked for half an hour to the connecticut river, there was a semi-yacht port there and a port restaurant - why do ppl own yachts on the connecticut river? i don't get it. anyways, had picnic there, was very very yummy, potato salad, and maria baked a loaf of bread (_real_ bread!) that was still warm, and egg sandwiches, cheese, tomatoes, and lots more....it was _so_ good and i ate so much ^_^

today, i will go work in the garden for an hour and hopefully afterwards work on nemoto sensei's webpage and chill out with DH and mels

2002-06-18T14:56:00.000-04:00

funky days II
sv's ex: he was so so much like the male, more balanced version of myself...i dunno...but he was much cooler. adorable and cute, the kind of person one _must_ like and, well, adore ^_~. sv was so changed around him, much more at ease, and much more enjoying herself, although i cannot blame her for either, given my attitude towards closeness. they were just so _good_ together, and i tried recalling what sv had said about breaking up with him, and how it was mutual, and it just didn't fit into the pic. yes she got annoyed at him like 10 times during the meal, but that's just the
way she is. i think i liked him instantly, i felt like i wanted to cuddle him or something. i wasn't jealous at all about him, or the way they hugged and were so close - but i guess that is either in my nature or proof of my coldness - except in a very weird way: the fact that he had the personality he had - just so cool - or the fact that i was in general slightly jealous, tho that's not the word i'm lookislightly jealous, tho that's not the word i'm looking for, about someone caring so much, calling every 3 days or so. on the other hand it was justso weird, they were so _good_ together, and altho sv told me how it just didn't work out and why, i just. don't. understand. and it's so weird b/c he's kind of similar to me, but much more...open?...affectionate?....has more depth of feeling? i guess?
i was genuinely sad, when he left. he hugged me and lifted me up and called me "drebni vredno" (which is bulgarian and translates into "small and mean" in a slightly positive way...j's idea of a new nickname, go figure) and told me to take care of sv.... i asked him whether he shouldn't maybe take care of her, but he just shook his head silently and said no. there's just ...so much...feeling there...and yes i have immense depth of emotion for my friends, but it's different....friends are
family...i really don't know what i mean to say, except i was dumbfounded, and delighted with the person that he was, i didn't understand, and i wanted to, i felt that i had given a promise, and since it's me, that promise must be kept (although i did not say anything, it is still a
promise)...in the end i'm just so fucked up (emotion-wise), but i kept thinking about what k told me when i wrote her hysterical messages:

"no matter what, there will always be someone that cares for you"

and i do want to believe her, she is k after all, watashi no senpai, and
if i just believe in that, i will come through and (hopefully) grow.

P.S. maryjane, mish, lispotz,toas, aeas und guru ganz vermiss (obwohl ich
mit dem guru nicht kontakt hatte, bevor ich wegging....hoert sich das sehr
seltsam an, wenn ich sage, dass es da irgendwie ein gefuehl der
verbundenheit gibt? so fuehle ich mich aber *shrug*

2002-06-18T13:01:00.000-04:00

funky days I

so much happened lately, and apart from my lack of concentration at work, it begs to be written, making me even more anxious and overstrung...so here i am again, sitting at the godforsaken old terminal on my floor...
i really wanted to sunbathe and go swimming on the weekend, but the wheather was sucky, also i work from 1-2 on weekends, and the pool's only open till 3...so yeah, no work out on saturday we dressed up...slutty/funky/sexy...i guess it depends on your perspective...we had been dancing on the porch to european semi-techno/beach songs all the time and i took some pics, but then we
went inside and dressed up, and j took soooo many pics on the digital camera, and they're really really not tame...also sv's ex called randomly, seemed like the dude stop by/meet sv on monday.

monday: off to work we go, and god does it suck, meh...then jap
garden....at that point my head is pounding and aching, but i had to go
meet john-c-watson about setting a date for the conference next year. it
wasn't that that bad actually, i mean i had a decent iced coffee and we
joked around,and yeah he has no life and blabs, but then, so do i.

i met j at the coffeeshop randomly, and was starting to get slightly down,
b/c she was scheduled to leave for LA sometime four o' clock on the next
morning. she was going to go meet her best friend there (handsome,
charming, gay), stick around there for the rest of the summer, and then go
directly from there to Vietnam for the next semester.... and i would not
get to see her in a very long time, not to mention the stories of her
sexual exploitations.

we went back to the dorm, and sv's ex and his trucker friend were on the porch; i didn't go out to say hi, but started hyperventilating and im-ing k; i was just really scared b/c sv told me they wanted to go eat out, and that would be like 6 bularians and 1 san, not to mention that he was her ex, and i was just scared....can't really explain it....k told me i shouldn't go if i didn't feel like it, but in the end, my stupid courage morale had the better of me....so i went outside to say hi and have a smoke, just as he came inside to tell me jokingly that he was hurt i wasn't coming out to say hi.
so we were hanging out, and it was going pretty ok, they took care to speak in english and whatnot, and i didn't feel too much out of it...we were trying to decide where we wanted to eat (and i really felt like the whately - that truckstop diner with really really good food...but the
thing's so hard to get to). so we decided on denny's, which also has diner-breakfast-food, paired with the coolest ugliest flair. sv and i went w/ the ex and his friend and j with the two others followed us in a second car. of course we got lost, j got sick and puked in the denny's parking
lot, and then we had food. food was yummy, and utterly unhealthy, but if one lives on sandwiches and ramen _that_ factor loses all threat. the guys paid for us....all of us 5 girls....i felt bad about that, and also was overcome with a huge home sickness, wanted to see "my" guys...not that they do stuff like that, it was just the general "european" atmosphere, having my cig lit and whatnot...plus i miss "my" guys and girls so much all around the year.

2002-06-14T21:24:00.000-04:00

another weird day....got off work, tired as hell (meh! how many freakin' books must i shelve?...and the ironic thing is, i find the one hour of jap garden work refreshing by comparison), it was funky, i had to do "financial" errands in my lunch break, i.e. run to the student accounts office, get paycheck (that was only $40 after pay deduction *scream*) and go to bank to figure out my account. the latter was actually useful: i did a promotion thing, and so now do not have to pay any fees for a further 6 months, and i got a savings account to save myself from spending the scraps of money i get after all the deductions.

weather: rainy/gray/coldish

the good/funky thing about today: i took some piccies with a library-borrowed digital camera, and shall take some more over the weekend, i ate a sandwich with tuna, made myself ramen, bundled up in my coat and ate it on the balcony. i actually wanted to go to boston, since a friend could have given me a ride, to visit kamui, but alas, she has relatives coming :( so another boring weekend, might go swimming on sunday

so the friend dropped us off at foodmart on her way out to boston, and we went and got bread and milk and mashed potatoes (and pancakes........oooooh pancakes), and cigs of course ^_^
then we hiked all the way back, and j. told me about her sex moods/periods, and we talked about masturbation techniques and fantasies and creativity. before we went back into the dorm, we sat outside on some chairs, smoked and talked about bondage, and intellectual arguments for/against/why....the why was weird, we ended up playing devil's advocate and indulging in being very freudian...
must make pancakes tonight

2002-06-12T16:25:00.000-04:00

oh my god, oh my god oh my god oh my god: this came in my inbox today:
"The Senior Staff met and decided to lower the cost of summer housing for
all students who are paying for their own summer housing at Mount Holyoke
College. You will be charged at a rate of $85.00 per month. Because this
change came after the summer rate had been established and is a discount
for only those students hwo will be paying their own housing costs, the
College must treat this cost reduction as a taxable benefit. You will
realize a cost savings in the housing bill, however, you will also notice
an increase of a few dollars in tax withholdings."

oh my god...please let it not be a hoax...this would be soooo good! rent was supposed to be - as everyone knew who heard me whining: _$400_

oh my god oh my god oh my god

keep your fingers crossed!!!!

but i don't think it's true! i did hear rumours about a 10 % reduction....but then $85 would be a typo for $385......why would the gods be so very very cruel??????????????

*growl growl growl*