i really love it here, and i don't want to leave sometimes, but of course i also want to go back
what i wish would happen this goddamn new year:
*can i please, finally, godfucking dammit, develop some work discipline?
*can for chrissakes, finally, godfucking dammit, that work discipline lead to some success with developing some brains?

*and jesus fucking christ...can i get a break? not to say that this isn't vacation, but i'm living with my parents, i keep seeing my grandparents, and i don't know how long they'll be living, and they're very old for Egyptian standards, and i have to walk a tightrope and balance b/w ppl
so basically nothing much changes, ne?
so here's my solution: i either grab mish or M...or maybe both... (since i can rely that both of them are entertaining but also like being alone), and we all go either to a goddamn mountain hut (wether in the Adirondacks, the Alps, or the goddamn Andes, i do not give a damn), or we go to some deserted beach and live in a pension, and i can hike or lie in the sun for a long long time, and listen to j-rock on my imaginary MD-net-player

;P
god i love my dreams
but cheers, until the next entry, and courage young fellas, we can do that goddamn internship whatnot, ne?
and you can do work, M buddy, only a little bit more, and hey! scotland...if i can get some money together, i'm thinking ireland with mish/whoever else btw

 

Which Harry Potter Marauder Are You?

lol, i swear, i did not cheat...must be fate, guys ^^

 
about ready to shoot myself internship wise...god, i presume i could just wait to send the shit off once i get back....since i don't have any recs anyways, and it would take equally long to send them off from here or the states.
fuck
right
how about some positive words? something like that i still have time, that i will find a job/jobs, that summer won't be as bad as last? that i still have time?

so yesterday was yet another semi-religious family gathering, aka excuse to stuff one's face with meat. god it must be the wintery season, i don't remember so many family gatherings...anyways this time it was the baptisation of Jesus, or something....well whatever, this time it was the whole family, and only partly innards...the bread rice, the funky green soup with the vegetable that has potato texture but tastes like shit, and that there is no german word for, b/c it is so egyptian...some viennese schnitzel, some fried chicken overcooked, bla...spinach strudel that was actually yummy
and after that drinking turkish coffee in tiny cups with my uncle, and then chewing sugar cane
quite fun ^^
it reminded me of .... those summers of fantasy years ago (6 yrs ago to be precise), and of sun, beach, sand, and dangerous wild sherif, and being called 'sandrella' (mish's bro called me that a few days ago, that's how i remembered it), and he had the same eyes that i did, sherif that is; also i was the tiny 11 yr old tag along ;P *snickers*

i should probably dub this the winter of forgotten memories, b/c i swear i have never remembered soooo much, things that should have been long-forgotten, and most funkily small inconsequential things...those events in my life that did not leave any horrible, or bad, or wonderful impressions, but *shrug* whatever

things i gained this vacation:
*plenty of clothing, when my mom took me shopping (also plenty of nervous breakdowns, b/c i want to kill her)
*memories...many many memories
*lazyness...just slumping around the house, and watching tv --> this also gained me a knowledge of bbc prime's daily program
*a standing knowledge of highlander slash fiction ^^
*a hundred bucks that my grandfather gave me so i can give them to kams so she can get me a md-net-recorder
*many funky good moments

things i regret (not doing):
* i didn't dance...at all..not once
* i developed a phobia. a really bad one...i'll have to work on it piece on piece...it's really fucked up
* i should have seen goth ppl more than once...i broke my promise to call them often
* i should have called old 30 yr old comp guy, i should have gone out with him...

 
oh yeah, back to normal alright...sleeping on the couch ocasionally, which is uncomfortable as hell, but i don't care since it means my grandparents are sleeping over. they are after all really too old to keep tramping across the city from their apartment every day just to make food for us, to then only tramp back to their apartment in the evening.
also my internship deal is going horrible. instead of sitting down and writing the damn cover letters i keep worrying about things like recs and transcripts and mail, and then distract myself with tv and fanfics. slash of course ;P
coptic x-mas was quite the interesting deal, since it is the end of 4 weeks of fasting (essentially vegan food, but fish is allowed), one of the main ingredients for the feast meals is meat, meat, and once again meat. and b/c the family likes innards....woa heart, lungs, kidneys and liver left and right. which i don't eat, but there is also the traditional dish of pieces of bread in rice, with funky sauce that i cannot identify but i believe to have garlic.
tastes....funky to say the least...on and they had regular lamb shoulder as well
it was annoying tho, i lost a 2 whole days to that.
oh and the weekend before that i went to visit my goth friends, who now have a house together
and there were also lovely video nights with velvet goldmine, first mute with the soundtrack in the background and then with the sound
i think we all love that movie far too much...it's kind of like 'steam' to me, though without the cheering-up factor.

also went to see 'bend it like beckham' with mish...god i drooled all over myself...jonathan rhys-meyer is so so so divine
gawd

then also went to see 'uzumaki' with maria, and elisabeth, sans mish, and surprisingly with gerhard...it was in this funky cinema, that is half trendy smokey rundown bar, half one screening room, and gerhard and i shared a beer from the bar, and smoked cigs in the room
but that movie! god god god
i peed in my pants when maria painted a spiral on my back afterwards...

also: went to cemetery again with mish (day before yesterday), and then worked on her comp, and then went together to concordia where we ate and talked and reminiscized....and i remembered soooo much of years ago, things that i had not remembered in forever....like the sex talks, and the five million crushes, and alley mcbeal-esque hallucinations of jumping someone's bones, and the hurts, and the joys, and the different strange person that i used to be, the five million persons residing in my schizophrenic little mind....and things like...kissing certain ppl hello and goodbye, and hating ppl, and loving them..well it was quite the trip....

 
so tired, and more tired, thus slightly gruffy, specifically on relatives-overload...god, neeeeeeed my little 18th ct. sanatorium cell back...at least i was alone and w/o headaches
anyways:

New Year's: Party at friend of friend's (and from my viewpoint, that latter friend is more like a friend's friend as well ;p *g*)
saw thomas and gerhard there...drank ate smoked talked danced...also saw dominik...which is significant..very significant in fact: had been slightly sad for couple of days that i do not possess any (confessed) gay friends, and thus no flaming friends...watching dominik argue aka lovingly listening to his own voice i realized: even if none of my friends are gay, dominik is so flaming it's cute HeHeHe ^_^

mish and i left after 2ish, cuz we were bored, plus she had sobered up, and i hadn't been tipsy to start with :p
in search of coffee, we decided the mood called for a walk, and so went through part of the first district (city center)
BAD mistake...i kept waiting for one of those snail-paced cars that were distributing crackers and fireworks right near the crowds to throw a molotov cocktail ("michelle..." "hmm?" "are you waiting for a molotov cocktail as well?" "yup.." "shit")
FURTHER explanation: there's this viennese thing called the silvester path (silvester for new year's eve which is st. silvester day), and i had been toying for a couple of years with the idea of going there
bad idea. nope. not gonna do it...it was bad enough at 3 in the morning, and we had to go unto equally crowded side streets

highlights: 45+ yr old couple copulating on rather crowded side street (traumatized me), being glomped/groped by drunk person with 8 octopus arms, and being catcalled by drunk police officer riding shotgun in police van FULL with other police officers

went to bed around 6, woke at 8, decided have tumor, realized it's cramps, decided to burn out uterus in near future

more from last week: met up with andreas and thomas in concordia (giant jesus statue no electric lighting), met ppls there,
went to film casino, where it played "electric dragon 80000V" which i loved loved loved loved, so hilarious, jap. short film, b&w, lizards, electricity, reminded me of tekken or other bad asiatic fight thingies (done like that on purpose)
went to FLEX...uh, actually hate that place mostly...kind of "cool" place, lots of dancing, bar, no sitting and talking...did not dance, saw bad austrian band, but was amused, so not too bad

more from this week later...previews: coptic x-mas (jan. 6), family, walk with mish around central cemetery (biggest in vienna, coverage of small town), more family, exotic egyptian but half-gross foods
and upcoming: watching "kick it like beckham" in the cinema, and looking for summer jobs...realized didn't bring voltage adapter..now ready to shoot self...also realized never wrote good cover letters/applications.....any help more than welcome...