that was just beautiful: rachel was a sweetheart and drove us to the 7/11 to get coffee and cigs...i don't think it will keep me up, it never does. it's just that moments like these make the day seem worthwhile after all. here i was moping around/indulging in slackerdom/scaring friends with a manic edge i hadn't even known i had gotten today. all it took for me to calm down was a nightdrive after all, even though it lasted only for 15 mins. and it's nights like these that make me stop breathing, which in my case is utterly beneficial, since hyperventilation has become a part of me. i assume i shouldn't make light of these things, so let me go back, and correct that: not hyperventilation, but something like it. goddamnit, but i don't feel the edge that i need to create new words/mutilate languages.
and it all comes down to this: i need to be in a city (say Tokyo....of course), i need to be at night, i must learn how to breathe, and never forget the most obvious: learn how to drive a car ~_^

 
down below a poem that surfaced from the depths of zooey (most beloved of all laptops), to be read with precaution, no guarantees about brain damage here: after all, i did hack it out at 3 am while still being stoned (god, that was _ages_ ago...)
apart from anything else, life seems to have taken on a slightly (?) manic edge to it, and this semester seems to run under the motto of: "can we break last year's record of amok runs?", insanity galore.

Dementia
Believe that life is unholy
For all she knew it was

As she walked down
The street
Of
Dementia praecox
It was all she could do
-while looking around herself
-seeing the world as it was
-watching the gray cold cloud
moving along the
pathway called street
to keep from laughing
hysterically
falling to the ground
shaking
with madness
mirthfully escaping
into a world that was
not her own

As she sat in front of
The mirror
(of merciless judgement)
It was all she could do
-looking at a picture
-observing (a blurry jumble)
-not seeing black gloss framing
pale oval containing
greyblue shards
to keep from crying
manically
from the bottom of her heart
out loud
with grief
watching not a reflection really
but a world that was
a mirror of her core

As she lay in the arms of
Her lover
(of warm salvation)
It was all she could do
-contemplating a heat
(that was unearthly)
-filling up with emotions (slowly, a jumble of)
-seeing the coloured shards
of her lover’s life
and staring into
her sun
to keep from suffocating
completely
from the heat in her lungs
right now
her lover
unable to free her lover
from the crush
of her body
for fear

in a world that is uncaring
and with a world that
never saw the light
(inside, deep inside)
and for a love that is unearthly
for how can it survive
(in beauty, so much beauty)

for the good and the bad
that are equal

deny sacredness
life is unholy

 
mwahahaha....i am gambit, adorable creature that he is....although everyone seems to be gambit....sucky day, not much else...

I'm Remy LeBeau
What X-Men Character are You?

 
the third and most depressing try....why am i so incompetent at html? it must be possible, to make this blog look the way i want it to!

 
and once again, another try, i shall succeed in juggling with these tags dammit!

 
am following the trend of friends, getting a blog and all, well if nothing else, this will be yet another means of procrastination

~_^
more later